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3,000 Club

Posted by The Swollen Goi... on Monday, May 10, 2010

Question:

Who better to bust the bottle on the side of this ship than Ol' Moneybags Dimple?

Answer:

No one.

Congrats, Dalty.

Daltons chin dimple
Location:
Posts: 12800
Posted: 10 years 41 weeks ago

Bloody hell! I hadn't even noticed. I must redouble my efforts to get a real life outside of teh interweb.

....says "Kill Bond, NOW!"
The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 10 years 41 weeks ago

Good luck.

Daltons chin dimple
Location:
Posts: 12800
Posted: 10 years 41 weeks ago

Yeah, not exactly had stellar success thus far!

....says "Kill Bond, NOW!"
The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 10 years 41 weeks ago

Clearly, you don't measure success in monetary gain.

I guess I should expect such modesty from the man who once bought up every milligram of Love in the Milky Way Galaxy. I was there when God sold it to him. Funny thing is, nobody even noticed.

When I asked God why Ol' Moneybags was so all-fired insistent on buying Love, God said he said, "If the Beatles can't buy it, I gotta have it."

Quasar
Location:
Posts: 7588
Posted: 10 years 41 weeks ago

And then he gave God a kick in the dick.

Faster and faster, a nightmare we ride. Who'll take the reins when the miracle dies? Faster and faster till everything dies. Killing is our way of keeping alive. - Virgin Steele, Blood and Gasoline
Daltons chin dimple
Location:
Posts: 12800
Posted: 10 years 41 weeks ago

I fear that tales of my profligacy are being exaggerated.

Not too long ago, I was so poor that at the end of the month I used to exist for a couple of days on the soup from the free vending machines at the office, and then get groceries a couple of days before pay day writing cheques at grocery stores that I knew damn well wouldn't clear if they had been cashed there and then.

It was a miserable existence.

....says "Kill Bond, NOW!"
Quasar
Location:
Posts: 7588
Posted: 10 years 41 weeks ago

Don't fear. That's what you pay other people to do. With your billions.

Faster and faster, a nightmare we ride. Who'll take the reins when the miracle dies? Faster and faster till everything dies. Killing is our way of keeping alive. - Virgin Steele, Blood and Gasoline
Daltons chin dimple
Location:
Posts: 12800
Posted: 10 years 41 weeks ago

I live too close to the woods to be fearful of the owls.

....says "Kill Bond, NOW!"
The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 10 years 41 weeks ago

I make $17,000 a year, and living expenses more than cut that in half. I consider anyone who makes more than that to be wealthy beyond my wildest dreams.

That $17,000 gets spaced out over nine months. For two of those months, I get a half paycheck. Then there's the miserable three months in a row where I don't make a cent from my usual "job." During that time, I have to get that "other" job to be able to meet ends. That's usually a tough time, and I usually end up having to sell stuff I don't want to sell. But such is the life of people like me. It's not such a bad life. I don't complain. Except when I do. I could live more comfortably if I took out a loan, but I've managed not to do that. It has been a constant temptation. I see people who do what I do and make what I make buying fancy coffee grinders, living in posh apartments, driving new-ish cars, wearing jeans that cost them more than the ten dollars I spend on jeans, and eating snob food, and it makes me feel poor in comparison (despite my knowing from experience that I am far, far from being poor). These folks took out loans at some point, or are getting help from their parents.

I'm told it'll all be worth it when I get the job for which I've been training these last few years. Getting that job might be pretty tough.

The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 10 years 41 weeks ago

Quasar wrote:

And then he gave God a kick in the dick.

I forgot that part.

But, yes, he did.

Before he did, he pointed at it, and said to God, "That's your taco." God said, "No, that's my... " Dimple interrupted with, "Your taco! Say it! Tell me what that is!" God lowered his head. "That's my taco," God said. "Good. Now spread your legs, God. I'm going to kick you in the taco."

He did. God fell over. He grabbed his taco and rolled around, moaning like a zombie baby whose mother just withheld his plate of breakfast brains from him. "Thanks for the Love, God," said Ol' Moneybags. "I'll sell you back what's left of it when I'm done shitting all over it."

Daltons chin dimple
Location:
Posts: 12800
Posted: 10 years 41 weeks ago

The Swollen Goi... wrote:

"Thanks for the love, God," said Ol' Moneybags. "I'll sell you back what's left of it when I'm done shitting all over it."

Oh, for the love of God (pun not entirely intended)!!

And what, pray, is the career for which you are preparing yourself?

....says "Kill Bond, NOW!"
The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 10 years 41 weeks ago

Pain.

Daltons chin dimple
Location:
Posts: 12800
Posted: 10 years 41 weeks ago

Mr T predicted that.

....says "Kill Bond, NOW!"
The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 10 years 41 weeks ago

You sure it wasn't Clubber Lang?

Daltons chin dimple
Location:
Posts: 12800
Posted: 10 years 41 weeks ago

Character, schmaracter!

....says "Kill Bond, NOW!"
The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 10 years 12 weeks ago

Congrats, Jakester.  Sorry you keep getting welcomed into clubs with the same two lame members.  I'm sure things'll liven up once Quasar's in.

Quasar
Location:
Posts: 7588
Posted: 10 years 12 weeks ago

It'll be days before I get there!

Faster and faster, a nightmare we ride. Who'll take the reins when the miracle dies? Faster and faster till everything dies. Killing is our way of keeping alive. - Virgin Steele, Blood and Gasoline
Jakester
Location:
Posts: 5753
Posted: 10 years 12 weeks ago

Wow.  I'm humbled.  To celebrate, I'll let everyone touch my junk.

Richard Gozinya, Harold Snatch and Wilbur Jizz. Together we are the law firm Gozinya, Snatch and Jizz.
The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 10 years 12 weeks ago

Done.

Drakemd
Location:
Posts: 1905
Posted: 10 years 12 weeks ago

You jumped right on that Goiter.  You should play a little hard to get.

Turn your head and cough!
The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 10 years 12 weeks ago

I am playing a little hard.

Adam54
Location:
Posts: 2082
Posted: 10 years 12 weeks ago

 I'm just honored that Jake's 3000th post was spent yelling at me not to watch Dr. Who. In his honor, I will instead spend the next hour watching Dr. Ake. I'm in need of a Dr. to watch today as Dr. Magic is not in class. Congrats on being the chosen one, Doc. 

Jakester
Location:
Posts: 5753
Posted: 10 years 12 weeks ago

Oh oh, it's Magic!

I think I prefer her with her hair down, btw.

Richard Gozinya, Harold Snatch and Wilbur Jizz. Together we are the law firm Gozinya, Snatch and Jizz.
Quasar
Location:
Posts: 7588
Posted: 10 years 12 weeks ago

Dr. Ake, you are now CANCELLED!!!

Faster and faster, a nightmare we ride. Who'll take the reins when the miracle dies? Faster and faster till everything dies. Killing is our way of keeping alive. - Virgin Steele, Blood and Gasoline
Drakemd
Location:
Posts: 1905
Posted: 10 years 12 weeks ago

It took me three days to read this...damn, I've been hit with the curse of Adam.

Turn your head and cough!