Movies: 1135
Comments: 67725
Members: 718
Online: 0 Guests: 155
  • strict warning: Non-static method view::load() should not be called statically in /home/corona/public_html/modules/views/views.module on line 823.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_plugin_display::options_validate() should be compatible with views_plugin::options_validate(&$form, &$form_state) in /home/corona/public_html/modules/views/plugins/views_plugin_display.inc on line 1684.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_plugin_display::options_submit() should be compatible with views_plugin::options_submit(&$form, &$form_state) in /home/corona/public_html/modules/views/plugins/views_plugin_display.inc on line 1684.
  • strict warning: Declaration of date_plugin_display_attachment::options() should be compatible with views_object::options() in /home/corona/public_html/modules/date/includes/date_plugin_display_attachment.inc on line 33.
  • warning: Attempt to modify property of non-object in /home/corona/public_html/modules/date/includes/date_plugin_display_attachment.inc on line 24.
  • warning: Attempt to modify property of non-object in /home/corona/public_html/modules/date/includes/date_plugin_display_attachment.inc on line 25.
  • warning: Attempt to modify property of non-object in /home/corona/public_html/modules/date/includes/date_plugin_display_attachment.inc on line 26.
  • warning: Attempt to modify property of non-object in /home/corona/public_html/modules/date/includes/date_plugin_display_attachment.inc on line 28.
  • warning: Attempt to modify property of non-object in /home/corona/public_html/modules/date/includes/date_plugin_display_attachment.inc on line 29.
  • warning: Attempt to modify property of non-object in /home/corona/public_html/modules/date/includes/date_plugin_display_attachment.inc on line 30.
  • warning: Attempt to modify property of non-object in /home/corona/public_html/modules/date/includes/date_plugin_display_attachment.inc on line 31.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_handler_field_comment::init() should be compatible with views_handler_field::init(&$view, $options) in /home/corona/public_html/modules/views/modules/comment/views_handler_field_comment.inc on line 48.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_handler_field_user::init() should be compatible with views_handler_field::init(&$view, $options) in /home/corona/public_html/modules/views/modules/user/views_handler_field_user.inc on line 48.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_handler_field_comment_username::init() should be compatible with views_handler_field::init(&$view, $options) in /home/corona/public_html/modules/views/modules/comment/views_handler_field_comment_username.inc on line 48.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_handler_argument::init() should be compatible with views_handler::init(&$view, $options) in /home/corona/public_html/modules/views/handlers/views_handler_argument.inc on line 699.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_handler_filter::options_validate() should be compatible with views_handler::options_validate($form, &$form_state) in /home/corona/public_html/modules/views/handlers/views_handler_filter.inc on line 584.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_handler_filter::options_submit() should be compatible with views_handler::options_submit($form, &$form_state) in /home/corona/public_html/modules/views/handlers/views_handler_filter.inc on line 584.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_plugin_style_default::options() should be compatible with views_object::options() in /home/corona/public_html/modules/views/plugins/views_plugin_style_default.inc on line 25.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_plugin_row::options_validate() should be compatible with views_plugin::options_validate(&$form, &$form_state) in /home/corona/public_html/modules/views/plugins/views_plugin_row.inc on line 61.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_plugin_row::options_submit() should be compatible with views_plugin::options_submit(&$form, &$form_state) in /home/corona/public_html/modules/views/plugins/views_plugin_row.inc on line 61.
  • warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/corona/public_html/modules/views/modules/comment/views_handler_field_comment_username.inc on line 32.
  • : preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/corona/public_html/includes/unicode.inc on line 345.
  • warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/corona/public_html/modules/views/modules/comment/views_handler_field_comment_username.inc on line 32.
  • : preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/corona/public_html/includes/unicode.inc on line 345.
  • warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/corona/public_html/modules/views/modules/comment/views_handler_field_comment_username.inc on line 32.
  • : preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/corona/public_html/includes/unicode.inc on line 345.
  • warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/corona/public_html/modules/views/modules/comment/views_handler_field_comment_username.inc on line 32.
  • : preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/corona/public_html/includes/unicode.inc on line 345.
  • warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/corona/public_html/modules/views/modules/comment/views_handler_field_comment_username.inc on line 32.
  • : preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/corona/public_html/includes/unicode.inc on line 345.
  • warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/corona/public_html/modules/views/modules/comment/views_handler_field_comment_username.inc on line 32.
  • : preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/corona/public_html/includes/unicode.inc on line 345.
  • warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/corona/public_html/modules/views/modules/comment/views_handler_field_comment_username.inc on line 32.
  • : preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/corona/public_html/includes/unicode.inc on line 345.
  • : preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/corona/public_html/includes/unicode.inc on line 345.
  • warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/corona/public_html/modules/views/modules/comment/views_handler_field_comment_username.inc on line 32.
  • : preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/corona/public_html/includes/unicode.inc on line 345.
  • warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/corona/public_html/modules/views/modules/comment/views_handler_field_comment_username.inc on line 32.
  • : preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/corona/public_html/includes/unicode.inc on line 345.
  • warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/corona/public_html/modules/views/modules/comment/views_handler_field_comment_username.inc on line 32.
  • : preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/corona/public_html/includes/unicode.inc on line 345.
  • warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/corona/public_html/modules/views/modules/comment/views_handler_field_comment_username.inc on line 32.
  • : preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/corona/public_html/includes/unicode.inc on line 345.
  • warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/corona/public_html/modules/views/modules/comment/views_handler_field_comment_username.inc on line 32.
  • warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/corona/public_html/modules/views/modules/comment/views_handler_field_comment_username.inc on line 32.
  • : preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/corona/public_html/includes/unicode.inc on line 345.
  • warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/corona/public_html/modules/views/modules/comment/views_handler_field_comment_username.inc on line 32.
  • warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/corona/public_html/modules/views/modules/comment/views_handler_field_comment_username.inc on line 32.
  • : preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/corona/public_html/includes/unicode.inc on line 345.
  • warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/corona/public_html/modules/views/modules/comment/views_handler_field_comment_username.inc on line 32.
  • warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/corona/public_html/modules/views/modules/comment/views_handler_field_comment_username.inc on line 32.
  • : preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/corona/public_html/includes/unicode.inc on line 345.
  • warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/corona/public_html/modules/views/modules/comment/views_handler_field_comment_username.inc on line 32.
  • strict warning: Non-static method view::load() should not be called statically in /home/corona/public_html/modules/views/views.module on line 823.
  • strict warning: Non-static method view::load() should not be called statically in /home/corona/public_html/modules/views/views.module on line 823.
  • strict warning: Non-static method view::load() should not be called statically in /home/corona/public_html/modules/views/views.module on line 823.
  • strict warning: Declaration of content_handler_field::options() should be compatible with views_object::options() in /home/corona/public_html/modules/cck/includes/views/handlers/content_handler_field.inc on line 170.

Annoying YouTube Comment Clichés

Posted by The Swollen Goi... on Monday, April 8, 2013

I spend a lot of time on YouTube. You know me well enough to know this means I spend a lot of time getting annoyed at the people who comment on YouTube videos. A while back (maybe even a couple years, at this point), I started collecting dumb YouTube comment catchphrases. The original intention was to post the catchphrases in a "Current Annoyances" thread, but the project eventually outgrew the "Current Annoyances" threads, so I decided to create a new thread.

There weren't really any catchphrases until YouTube changed its format and started doing the whole "thumbs up/down" thing. Enough thumbs up, and you got a top comment. Some catchphrases caught on pretty quickly, thanks to their being driven up to the top of the comments. People in desperate need of attention then repeated these same comments on other videos, where people who had never seen these comments before up-voted them and made them top comments on the new videos.

These catchphrases soon morphed into clichés. Some of them were annoying right off. Some of them started out mildly humorous but wound up being incredibly un-welcomed sights whenever I'd visit a new video. Luckily, there are people out there as annoyed with these clichés as I am, so a lot of them aren't up-voted as often as they used to be. When they're not up-voted, it makes the people who post them look extra sad. In those cases, some humor is re-injected, and all is good. Extra-sad people are hilarious.

I'm providing you with a list of the ones that have annoyed me the most over the course of the last few years. They are numbered for your convenience, but they aren't ranked or ordered in any specific way. I realize that some of them are pretty outdated by now, so I will be providing parenthetical elaboration along the way. My personal recommendation is that you skip the parenthetical elaboration whenever possible. It's a lot of writing to read, and unless you have no idea what the hell I'm talking about, I wouldn't bother to read it. I'll try to make the writing moderately colorful, but there's only so much I can do to make my writing an enjoyable read. I'll also break it up into multiple posts so it doesn't seem too overwhelming.

If there are any annoying YouTube comment clichés I missed, feel free to add them. If, unlike me, you don't bother to waste your time with being annoyed by YouTube comment clichés, I envy you. Unless you're incredibly poor or sick or generally downtrodden and aren't in a position to know or be annoyed by something as trivial as YouTube.

Jeez. Now you've gone and made me feel bad about myself for being a whiner and a person of privilege. Thanks a lot.

The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 8 years 27 weeks ago

1.) "Looks like I'm in the weird part of YouTube again."

You still see this one. It's posted whenever what's happening in the video is even slightly off-kilter. It has the unintentional effect of making the video seem less weird, since the comment is such a common occurrence. Maybe I'm just exceptionally weird, but I'm almost never disturbed by anything I see on YouTube.

2.) "Looks like 5 people don't X!"

This X and the ones following it will indicate variables in the comment's formula. I'm clarifying this here because Quasar is a smartass of the highest order and is liable to mention how he never sees these comments with the Xs in them.

Here the X stands for some "clever" subversion of the video's title or some content in the video. For example, if the video is a collection of occurrences of Cartman saying, "Respect my authoritah!" someone might respond with a comment "Looks like 5 people don't respect Cartman's authoritah!"

The five people in this case are people who clicked on the downward-pointing thumb. It's not necessarily always five people. Could be one, one thousand, or any conceivable number at or below the number of total views. I could have replaced the 5 with a letter, but I didn't want there to be two variables. I'm already pushing my luck with the X, thanks to Quasar being such a smartass.

The only saving grace where this cliché is concerned is that the like/dislike counter is in constant flux, so these idiots usually throw out a number that soon becomes a lie.

3.) Any Justin Bieber Mention Whatsoever in Response to a Video Having Nothing to Do with Justin Bieber

I wrote about this pretty extensively a couple years ago. I think I created a thread specifically for it. It's died down a bit, thankfully. For a while, you couldn't watch a non-Bieber music video without someone dropping in to post an anti-Bieber comment. If there were three dislikes, somebody might say, "Looks like Justin Bieber watched this video three times!" It's died down, but you still see it. Usually you see it in response to rock videos. People in these responses inform you that what you're hearing is "real" music, unlike whatever it is the Biebs does.

It's not like I have Bieber Fever. I just don't understand how somebody could hate a pop icon so much. And that's coming from me, the guy who's annoyed by almost everything.

4.) "I'm only X years old, and I love this stuff."

The phrase itself varies from video to video. Generally, it has to do with some person claiming to be young and celebrating how, despite being so young, he appreciates this cultural artifact from before he was born. The ages claimed most often are those between twelve and fifteen. It's up-vote pandering of the most obvious sort. I wouldn't be surprised if half the people doing it are in their thirties.

The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 8 years 27 weeks ago

5.) "blahblahblah. Thumbs up/Like if you agree."

The "blahblahblah" is a stand in for any number of things. It usually has to do with a political position or an expression of a preference for the way things used to be. This staple of YouTube commentary has made its way over into Facebook territory. I said the fourth cliché was up-vote pandering of the most obvious sort, but I guess it's slightly less obvious than this one. Here, they're actually telling you to up-vote. Shameful.

At least with the above, there's a quarter of a gram of subtlety. This reeks of real desperation. Do these people come back to these videos to check and see whether or not their up-vote begging has yielded results? Maybe "shameful" is the wrong word. Maybe "pitiable" is better. It strikes me as pretty pathetic--almost as pathetic as collecting YouTube clichés.

6.) "How did I get here from X?"

The poster is usually pointing out how wildly different the current video is from the video that linked to it. I guess it's mildly amusing to note the difference, but it's not amusing enough to warrant all the up-votes it gets. People really seem to love these comments. It's more annoying than it used to be, since people just blindly up-vote this sort of comment when they see it. It makes it so that you really have to dig to find a decent comment.

In the earliest days, this comment was a welcome thing, because someone would inevitably take the comment very seriously and would go into YouTube recommendation metrics, the power of administrator promotion, etc. This person would go into great detail. They would go into such great detail, and this detail would fall on ears so deaf that it was sorta funny to sit back and watch it happen.

7.) "I'm an X, and I find this very offensive."

This is one of those comments that started out kinda funny, but was overdone to the point of being annoying. The shtick was pretty simple. The person would pretend to belong to whatever minority group the video might potentially offend. Maybe they weren't always pretending, but my guess is that they typically were.

Usually, it was something outlandish. For example, the video could be about butt-raping drugged-out Peruvian hobos. Someone would come on, say, "I'm a drug-addicted Peruvian hobo, and I find this very offensive."

The "very" wouldn't necessarily always be there.

8.) "009 Sound System, we meet again."

This has to do with YouTube's Audioswap feature. Once YouTube started cracking down on the un-licensed use of various artists' music, they started offering users the option of either swapping the audio they had originally uploaded for something with no licensing issues or having the video taken down permanently.

YouTube offered a pretty wide range of alternatives, but a lot of people were lazy and just chose the very first thing to pop up on the list. The list was alphabetized by artist name, and 009 Sound System's "Dreamscape" was at the very top of the list. This led to thousands of people choosing 009 Sound System's "Dreamscape" as the soundtrack to their videos. Granted, it's annoying hearing "Dreamscape" all over YouTube, but it's not as annoying as seeing the "we meet again" comment.

A side note:

A dog of mine died a grizzly death a few years back. (No, Dalty, it wasn't mauled by a bear.) I decided to honor its memory with a collection of video clips featuring said dog. I built the clips around the Beach Boys song "Country Air." The video was exactly as long as the song. It worked pretty nicely. It stood for a year or two, but the hammer eventually came down, and YouTube threatened to remove the video unless I changed the soundtrack. (Or maybe they just cut the song and left the video there all naked and soundless. I can't remember.)

Fortunately, YouTube allows you to arrange their Audioswap potentials according to song length, so I was able to find a replacement I didn't completely hate. Unfortunately, the original video didn't just use the Beach Boys song. I had layered the clips' original audio over the song and had woven it all together into an aural masterpiece.

All YouTube gave a shit about was that the Beach Boys had been used. When I lost the Beach Boys song, I lost the original audio layered into it. Thanks to a hard drive failure, the YouTube video is all that remains of my original collection of clips. I will never again hear the sound of my dog's flabby-lipped and lazy bark.

The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 8 years 27 weeks ago

9.) "240p, we meet again."

This has to do with the video quality. 240p is (I think) the lowest YouTube offers--at least for MP4 and FLV containers. There was a time when it and 360p were pretty much all YouTube offered. The video quality for uploaders has grown as computers and connections have gotten faster. At this point, people are spoiled. If they see something at 240p, they whine about it. They're even starting to do it with 360p. One of the most common ways for them to whine is with the tongue-in-cheek "240p, we meet again." Some popular videos from way back even get the whining treatment. No one whined back in the day, of course.

10.) "I find this video very difficult to masturbate to."

You often see this in response to surgical videos or videos featuring ugly people, people getting hurt, people starving, etc. Sometimes you will see the "I find this video very easy to masturbate to" variation. The variation is often used in response to someone who went the "very difficult" route. "Masturbate" is frequently misspelled. "Very" is sometimes omitted.

11.) "Kill yourself."

This is quite possibly YouTube's single most common comment. It was a little disturbing to see it at first. While I realize that, for some people, THE INTERNET IS SERIOUS BUSINESS, I was surprised to see people recommending that other people kill themselves--often for as little an offense as misspelling a word or liking a particular musician.

Over time, I've managed to convince myself that these people don't actually want people to kill themselves, and that they would be mortified to learn that someone had taken them up on their suicidal suggestion. Since I've managed to convince myself of this (if only to keep myself from losing all hope in humanity), the comment has morphed from being disturbing to being annoying.

12.) "My left ear enjoyed this."

Sometimes the "right ear" is the one that enjoys. In other words, only one speaker has sound. The uploader is more than likely aware of this, and there's a good chance there's nothing the uploader can do about it. I find this comment to be particularly douchey--mainly because of the sarcasm behind the "enjoyed" bit.

There's an occasional silver lining to some of these comments. In some cases, it is pointed out that the commenter is a fool and either doesn't know his left from his right or has his headphones in backwards. In other cases, it is pointed out that there is no problem with the sound and that the commenter's audio equipment is faulty.

In extremely rare cases, someone out-assholes the commenter by telling him his audio equipment is faulty when it isn't. It's my deepest wish that this has led to at least one idiot going out and buying a new set of headphones or speakers he didn't actually need. (All right. It's not my deepest wish. It's a pretty deep wish, though.)

The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 8 years 27 weeks ago

13.) "Did you film this with a [potato/iron/some item not a camera]?"

In other words, the video quality is terrible. It's so terrible, in fact, that the commenter is suggesting that someone would have had to have used an item incapable of recording video. Again, the uploader is probably aware of the poor quality.

You know, some of us just can't afford high end video cameras. Sorry. Sorry we didn't work hard enough. Sorry we have shitty jobs and babies to feed.

14.) "Which pixel is X?"

Yet another criticism of video quality. The general suggestion is that the video quality is so blocky that different things in the video are represented by single, undefined squares of color. An alternate suggestion is that the thing we're supposed to be looking at is either so small or so far away that it can't quite be made out. The alternate is a rarity, even though it's the only one that makes any real sense. The general suggestion is a gross exaggeration, since it is usually clear that the thing we're supposed to be focused on, while blocky in appearance, is composed of a cluster of pixels.

15.) "I used to X, but then I took an arrow to the knee."

This one was a popular enough meme outside of YouTube, so chances are you already know it's a reference to The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim. It's also pretty recent. It's from a canned phrase a bunch of different characters in the game use when the player encounters them. The phrase goes something like I have it, but it may not go exactly like it. There are, as always, slight variations. It's sometimes "until I took" or "arrow in the knee." The X is usually in reference either to something that happens in the video or something said in one of the comments.

It grew old pretty fast. There are videos and comic strips out there making fun of just how quickly it grew old. I'd link to one if I weren't so lazy.

16.) "Press 7 to X."

This is in reference to a feature that may no longer exist. The number doesn't have to be 7. It could be any number from 0 to 9. Pressing any of these numbers allowed the user to skip forward or backward in the video. 0 took you back to the beginning, 5 took you to the halfway point, etc. Sometimes pressing a specific number would jump you to the video's money shot. The jump could bring you to the middle of a word, phrase, or action. Sometimes you could press a couple numbers in succession to humorous effect.

Pressing 6 might drop you in the middle of someone saying "the purpose of art" in such a way that all you hear is " ...f art," and pressing 3 immediately after might drop you into the middle of the same person saying "he would laugh in my face," except that all you'd hear would be "in my face." One could press 6 and 3 in such a way, then, that it would sound to the listener as though the person were saying "fart in my face."

The more inventive ones weren't annoying at all, but more often than not you'd really have to strain to hear what you were supposed to be hearing. Also, more often than not, people would just want you to press one number over and over again so that you'd see a guy getting kicked in the face a lot, or so that it would look like some dude was humping the air. Pretty juvenile stuff. Sometimes pretty funny, but most of the time not. Most of the time, you got the sense that somebody had seen someone else get a lot of attention for his video remix and had tried to force his own remix in the hopes of getting the same kind of attention.

I haven't seen one of these in a long time. Maybe the skip feature no longer exists. Then again, I remember it working with some videos and not working with others, so maybe people got tired of building a joke around a feature that wasn't guaranteed to work. Maybe some browsers didn't do it and some did. Maybe the advertisements began to fuck with the ability to do it on some videos. Not sure.

Edit:

Just checked. It still works--or, rather, it works on the two videos I tried it on.

The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 8 years 27 weeks ago

17.) "But will it blend?"

This was in reference to a popular series of videos made to promote a blender made by Blendtec. The videos became popular because they would choose things to blend that you wouldn't normally choose to blend to show off the blending power of Blendtec blenders. I think the iPad blending video was a pretty popular one.

The comment was often used to undermine the saccharine sweetness of videos featuring babies, puppies, or kittens. It was pretty funny at first. What happened is what usually happens. It started out with funny people using the comment to good effect, but some unfunny people eventually ripped the torch from the fingers of the funny people, ran with it, and wound up setting half the YouTube comment pages on fire with it.

18.) "Time to delete my history. Again."

"Again" isn't always there, but it often is.

This one is pretty asinine. The suggestion is that the video the comment was left on is one that is particularly gruesome, vulgar, or racy, and that a person wouldn't want others to know he had viewed it. The problem is that YouTube videos are pretty tame by virtue of YouTube's pretty strict policies. There are, of course, videos a user has to (claim to) be eighteen or older to view, but even these are pretty tame by, say, 4chan standards.

There was, as usual, a time when this comment was used to good effect. Say someone stumbled on a video of a three-year-old girl wearing nothing but a tutu and diapers and dancing in circles. If someone posts the "delete my history" comment in response to such a video, the suggestion is that he's afraid of being accused of pedophilia by anyone who views his history. A perfectly innocent video is sexualized, and everybody's happy.

Unfunny people come along, post the comment everywhere, water it down, and all we're left with is a YouTube Comment Cliché.

19.) "I like the part where X."

Here, X usually represents the one and only thing that happens in the video. This comment often accompanies short videos. If the video is called "sheep bleating," for example, it might net an "I like the part where the sheep bleats" comment. It sometimes accompanies incredibly long videos. Any video where somebody loops something for ten hours (note: more often than not, it's a scene from Family Guy) will more than likely wind up with someone responding that he likes the part where X.

It's pretty common to find this comment on both a short video and a looped version of this video. I'll use the "sheep bleating" example again. There may be a fifteen-second video of the "sheep bleating," and there may be a version where the sheep bleats for forty-eight hours. Both videos are likely to be accompanied by the same comment. There's a good chance that the same person made both comments.

Sometimes it can be used in a semi-clever way to point out a something going on in the video that the viewer might have missed. Say there's a guy ranting about a smoking ban in the foreground while a dog is licking his dick in the background, and say the dog licks his dick without taking a single break throughout the entire video. A person might say, "I like the part where the dog licks his dick." On an occasion such as this, I welcome the comment. (I should probably clarify that the dog is licking the dog's own doggy dick. Because, you know, Quasar. I should probably also go ahead and say that the people who engage in this behavior are, themselves, bleating sheep. Because, you know, Dalty.)

Since I brought up looped videos, I should mention that there's another comment cliché associated with them. The comment is usually something like "I watched the whole thing" or "I stopped watching after seventy-one hours" or some other dubious claim. I won't create a separate number for this since it's only on these sorts of videos. I've seen it used ironically on some really short videos. It's a little funnier there, but not much.

20.) "Damned invisible ninjas chopping onions!"

(Rare variation: "Damned invisible, onion-chopping ninjas!")

In other words, the content of the video brought tears to user's eyes. It's always used in cases where sentiment is involved. If the content of the video is particularly cloying, this comment can be annoying beyond expression. If I see someone has made it in response to the music video for "Christmas Shoes," for example, I'll come away from reading the comment wanting to punch something.

It's pretty much never used in response to a video where something truly horrific is happening. You won't see it in response to a video that shows people jumping from smoking windows during 9/11. If I were to see it used in this way, I might privately applaud the ballsiness of the commenter, but I would immediately scold myself and feel like an asshole for a few days. If it were a scene from a movie where a hero is killed, I could get behind it without feeling too bad about it--like, for instance, when Private Mellish is knifed in the heart in Saving Private Ryan. I'd probably laugh out loud at that, and I wouldn't feel dirty about it at all. I've never once seen the comment used in this way.

Maybe I should be the first. I'd hate for my usage of it to become a cliché, though, so maybe I'd better hold off.

The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 8 years 27 weeks ago

21.) "Who else is here because of X?"

This is probably one of the most universally annoying comments on YouTube. It's also one of the most frequently up-voted. The comment indicates that a group of people discovered the video thanks to a mention or a link on another site or video. It tends to initiate a pissing contest between those who discovered the video thanks to the mention/link and those who were so super cool that they already knew about the video. The comment is annoying enough on its own. The pissing contest is the maraschino cherry atop the cow patty that is the lone comment.

22.) "The best part was 0:00-X:XX."

X:XX represents the video's end time. Goddamn is this comment annoying. It used to spring up in response to someone saying they liked something that happened at a specific point in the video.

At some point, YouTube made it so that you could make a marker for these specific points by simply writing down the time in the comments. It can be a useful tool, but it led to a number of comments from useless tools. (That one's for you, Dalty.)

The comment appears all on its own these days.

Yes, yes. We get it. You like the whole video. Thanks for the amazingly insightful comment, asshole.

23.) A Direct Quote from the Video Being Watched

This goes back to the earliest days of YouTube comments. People will watch the video and repeat, verbatim, something said in the video.

Oh, hey! I watched the video too!

I can derive some pleasure from a gross misspelling or a misquote, but not much. Mostly, I just come away from these comments annoyed that all this person has to contribute is a quote from the video I just watched. I realize the person is singling out something he felt to be noteworthy, but it still annoys. Sometimes, it even spoils. Spoiling motherfuckers. I guess I can appreciate it on some level if the intention is to spoil, but mostly, it just annoys. Like everything else I encounter in my miserable life.

24.) Any Mention of the Like/Dislike Bar Resembling Something Else

The thing it's usually said to resemble is a lightsaber. Sometimes it's said to resemble a cigarette. The resemblance is usually only pointed out if it refers in some way to the content of the video.

The lightsaber comment typically only happens in response to a video tied in some way to Star Wars. Sometimes, the amount of red or green allows the person to get even more specific and say it looks like Luke's or Vader's lightsaber. The cigarette comment typically only happens in response to a video where people are seen smoking. It can also happen if one of the people featured in the video is a known smoker. ("Even the like bar looks like a cigarette!")

Mal Shot First
Location:
Posts: 3180
Posted: 8 years 27 weeks ago

The Swollen Goi... wrote:

If it were a scene from a movie where a hero is killed, I could get behind it without feeling too bad about it--like, for instance, when Private Mellish is knifed in the heart in Saving Private Ryan.

Spoiling motherfucker.

The Swollen Goi... wrote:

The comment appears all on its own these days.

For a moment I thought you were suggesting that the comment claiming the best part of the video was 0:00-X:XX is now automatically generated when you upload a YouTube video, in order to anticipate its inevitable appearance in the comments section.

The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 8 years 27 weeks ago

I considered a spoiler tag, but decided against it. Because I'm a spoiling motherfucker.

Maybe I should have said, "The comment now appears without the provocation of a comment claiming to like something that happens at a specific moment."

I'd go back and edit it, but then I'd have to deal with the rich text editor turning the entry into one giant lump of text.

The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 8 years 27 weeks ago

I edited the second point because I just remembered I had forgotten to point out that the number the commenters cite loses currency pretty quickly.

"Looks liek 15 peopl didn't display TURTLE POwR!"

Oh yeah? Well, the video has seventeen dislikes now, so you're stupid, you stupid-headed stupid. Kill yourself.

atrejub
Location:
Posts: 739
Posted: 8 years 27 weeks ago

4279 words. Could have been a short story.

The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 8 years 27 weeks ago

I wrote it over the course of many, many months. Maybe I should write all my short stories that slowly.

Thurston McQ
Location: Germany
Posts: 142
Posted: 8 years 27 weeks ago

Isn't that what you already do?

The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 8 years 27 weeks ago

*sniff*

Drakemd
Location:
Posts: 1905
Posted: 8 years 27 weeks ago

Whoa?!?  Thursty made an appearance?  Where ya been buddy?  Thought you were too lazy, like your cousin Goiter, to bother logging in just to respond to one of his "clever" posts.

Turn your head and cough!
The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 8 years 27 weeks ago

He'd log back in to respond to you, but...

Quasar
Location:
Posts: 7588
Posted: 8 years 27 weeks ago

.... his busy making asinine comments on YouTube videos.

Faster and faster, a nightmare we ride. Who'll take the reins when the miracle dies? Faster and faster till everything dies. Killing is our way of keeping alive. - Virgin Steele, Blood and Gasoline
The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 8 years 27 weeks ago

He never comments on YouTube videos.

Quasar
Location:
Posts: 7588
Posted: 8 years 27 weeks ago

He never comments on YouTube videos. He comments under them. Clever Goits!

Faster and faster, a nightmare we ride. Who'll take the reins when the miracle dies? Faster and faster till everything dies. Killing is our way of keeping alive. - Virgin Steele, Blood and Gasoline