Corona | Coming Attractions

Yeah, I never knew I had a fear of heights until I climbed up the side of a water tower when I was working for the city over the summer.

 I never had a problem with heights, in fact I used to like them.  High diving boards at the pool, a bungee jump at Uni, rainforest canopy zip-lining in Belize, forest tree swinging at Go-Ape, it was all cool.

Then I went to Paris a couple of years ago and when we were up the Eifel Tower we decided to walk down the stairs instead of take the lift.  Those stairs are basically wire mesh/grids.  As I looked all the way down, past my own feet, through the thin grating then at the sheer drop to the Parisian park and tarmac below I felt my knees go slightly wobbly....  and like a fizzing feeling in my legs.

Ever since then I have seemed to have the same thing happen whenever up high.

I did the stairs on the Eiffel tower when I was seven, and had similar woozies. I was super happy to be on the steps, and took it to be a sign of barely contained exhilaration. I've also walked into and out of the Grand Canyon something like ten-fifteen times. With big breezes would come bodily tremors and falling fantasies. I've done different sorts of bungee jumps, springs, and slings, too.

I guess I just had a fear I refused to recognize as a fear for twenty-some years. It wasn't like the all-consuming fear of cars I picked up after I was hit by a van. There was a fear I knew to be a fear from the moment I first felt it.

 I got totalled by a car when I was on my bike at about 8 years old but was lucky to bounce a bit so I broke an arm and a leg, nothing as serious as you did, so maybe I skipped that fear.

I still feel the height thing when up very high.  wish I didn't!

You were lucky, Dalty. A friend of mine got in with the wrong crowd and started playing chicken with cars on his bike. Well, it wasn't exactly "chicken." He and his friends would wait in a blind spot on a curvy road until a car was nearly upon them, then they would dart across the road in front of the car. That's the story I was told, anyway. The story was told to me by my grandmother, who--and Jubbers can confirm this--appears to be incapable of telling a story without making up half of it or more. (I know. Sounds like me, except I only make up shit when I'm certain everyone knows I'm not being serious.)

Whatever the case, he was hit by a car while on his bike. It was going at about the same speed the car that hit me was going, except that he fell all wrong and died a painful, not-super-quick death out on the road. He was twelve. I couldn't cry at his funeral, even though I was pretty sad about him dying. I had to stare at the sun until my eyes watered for the benefit of his family.

His older sister married the man who called my grandfather a "shitass." (Here's where I tell an abbreviated version of that story. Humorously enough, Jack openly doubts the veracity of the story. Here's where I talk about someone from the same family engaging in some arson. I could seriously assemble a decent autobiography by combing through my Corona posts.)

The Swollen Goi... wrote:

That's the story I was told, anyway. The story was told to me by my grandmother, who--and Jubbers can confirm this--appears to be incapable of telling a story without making up half of it or more.=

I can only confirm this on the stories I've heard her tell more than once, or ones that I've heard both her and another family member say. Her "making up half of it" usually involves attributing all sorts of awesomeness to Goiter's grandpa.

She definitely takes some creative license with my grandfather's deeds. She does this in a way not all too dissimilar to the way in which we talk about Dalty's finances.

They must've had Jack in mind when they made this. 2 Veronica Mars alums, Kim Jeung from Community...

Hey, look. It's Ken Marino. He was just on Angel.

Yahoo! videos don't play so well for us here in the dorm. They usually play for a few seconds and then just die.

It turns out there are 3 episodes of Burning Love available on Yahoo. I watched episode 2 this morning, and it is even more awesome.

A quote from a wise man from ep 2, "Virginity is like a bubble. One little prick, and it just goes away."

Oh look! Rachel Bloom has two new videos!

and #2

Are they as unfunny and try-too-hard-y as that lame Ray Bradbury video?

Has she made any public statement about how she feels kinda lame in retrospect for making that video? Not only because the man was ancient and was sure to die soon, but because the video itself was lame?

Come to think of it, has she been waiting for him to die so she could post these two videos at a time when people are likely to be revisiting her YouTube video? With any luck, that's not the case.  With any luck, she posted them a while ago, and people are just now noticing them because Ray Bradbury's death made them think about her lame Ray Bradbury video for the first time since the last time they pretty much completely forgot about it.

I fucking loved "Fuck me, Ray Bradbury." And "I Steal Pets" is pretty damn funny, too.

You're pretty fucking weird in the head, Goiter.

To be honest, I don't find the "Pictures of Your Dick" song all that funny. She basically keeps repeating the same punchline for two minutes.

"You Can Touch My Boobies" is sort of in the same category as Katy Perry's "I Kissed a Girl," in the sense that it's not all that clever or well-written, but it relies on the sexual imagery to cheat its way into being perceived as subversive/ironic/funny.

I considered watching the two new videos, but I decided Germany probably wouldn't let me watch them. I'm just going to keep assuming that without testing it.

I was going to read your post but then, well, I didn't.

The joke in "You Can Touch My Boobies" is essentially the same joke Matteson Perry tells here, except Matteson Perry tells it better.

I fall easily for lowbrow boobie humour.

 I would like to touch her boobies.

 I would like to touch her boobies.

I would as well. A lot.

 I would like to touch her boobies.

Awesome or funny, you make the call. I thought this was pretty awesome.