Corona | Coming Attractions

Looks like he'll be directing The Hobbit after all.

Insiders claim the movie will open on two proto-footed sea slugs dragging themselves out of the water, and we will witness their kind's slow evolution into Stoor Hobbits. Then we will see Sméagol being born from the bloody womb of his mother. When the midwife places him in her arms, she will say, "My precious!" Baby Sméagol, eyes still closes, will give an evil grin, and will try to suckle at her ring finger. Then we will watch him grow up, kill Déagol, slowly morph into Gollum, then lose the one ring. Then we will see Bilbo find it. Then we will see a super-high-speed rewind to the two sea slugs, and watch them evolve into the Fallohide Hobbits. At the approximate time the Stoor/Fallohide/Harfoot split occurs, we will witness what will become the Fallohides waving goodbye to what will become the Stoors and the Harfoots (Harfeet!). "Goodbye, Less-Shy-of-Men Cousins!" they will say to the Stoors. "Goodbye, Friendlier-with-the-Dwarves Cousins!" they will say to the to the Harfoots (Harfeet!). "We shall go be generally more adventurous!" they will say. Then we will watch as they evolve. Then we will witness Bilbo being born from the bloody womb of his mother. Then we will watch him grow up and will follow him until he finds the ring, which we will see happen a second time from the exact same angles/perspective. Then a title card will read, "But WAIT!" and there will be a super-high-speed rewind all the way back to the "Middle Bang." Then we will watch Middle Universe come into existence, then Middle Earth. Then we will come right back up to the two sea slugs, then we will see everything exactly as we saw it in Bilbo's history, leading up to the day before Gandalf arrives. Fade to black. Suddenly, we hear Ian McKellen's voice saying, "In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit.... "

And so ends the movie's cold open.

Brilliant!

I think this movie might die on the vine like Bond if something doesn't get sorted with MGM soon.

I am not sure what the ownership situations are with both Bond and the Hobbit.

Bond is protracted involving Eon (as Danjaq) in the mix with MGM, but I don't know how they can get to a position where another source of funding could get Bond moving.  You would think that the money would be forthcoming from somewhere as Bond as close to a 'sure thing' as you can get in this industry.

As for the Hobbit, I am really surprised that creditors haven't forced a fire sale of the rights to try and get some capital back.

King Kong is a movie about a giant monkey.  It is about as good as giant monkey movies tend to get...... as in, not very.

I think the '33 Kong is pretty awesome.  Any movie's "about" is only a small element of it.  Most movies sound less impressive when you boil them down to what they're about.

Peter Jackson's King Kong is about a giant monkey turd.

It's full of head scratchers.  If PJ is supposedly such a huge fan of the original, then why did he change the 2 things that made the original so great:  The pace (he DOUBLED it in length...not King Kong's wanger but the run-time) and the overall daring bravado of those poor sailors treking into utter hell on Earth.

He even turned the main guy from a rugged 1st mate (matey up?) into the wussiest forms of man: a screen-writer, for crying out loud!

Also, Peter Jackson's King Kong was much longer than I remembered. I could've sworn it was only 2 days long. It's truly true that time does dull the pain.

I haven't stopped watching Peter Jackson's King Kong since I started watching it in 1932.

Better or worse than the Dino De Laurentiis 1979 version with Jeff Bridges?

Bah to you all!  I really like Peter Jackson's King Kong.  It's certainly a bloated movie, but it isn't horrible by any means.

But does Jack Black 'out-ham' Charles Grodin?

No, but the raptors do.

I like the part where Kong destroys and rapes the corpses of an army of over 9,000 Godzillas.

The opening of Peter Jackson's King Kong really has to be considered the worst opening of all time. Not to be confused with the insect trench, which is the worst filmed sequence of all time.

Did you get touched up by a member of the Peter Jackson fan club or something?

Did you get touched up by a member of the Peter Jackson fan club or something?

Am I supposed to answer that twice?

Strider wrote:

Bah to you all!  I really like Peter Jackson's King Kong.  It's certainly a bloated movie, but it isn't horrible by any means.

QFT. Speaks to me. Loved the vintage biplanes, wish we had more modern movies about WWI aviation.

Did you watch Flyboys?

Of course I watched Flyboys.

Wait...

Is there some sort of movie called Flyboys?

Space Tycoon wrote:

Wish we had more modern movies about WWI aviation.

Well, it'll probably be set closer to contemporary times, and thus feature more modern aircraft, but Pixar is following up Cars and the upcoming Cars 2 with Planes. Probably won't be any giant apes in it though.

Quasar wrote:

Did you watch Flyboys?

Flyboys is way up on my list of movie to see. One of those ones I always say to myself, "gotta see that one next," and then for some reason never do.

But I will. Heard it had mixed reviews.

Saw a mock dogfight between biplanes at the weekend Spacey.... well, I drove under it on the M11 as an airshow was on at Duxford, next to the road.

I liked them when they were dancers on In Living Color.