Corona | Coming Attractions

I'm not 18, and if you'd prefer, I'll not be consenting.

She'll hold you down Jake, she'll hold you down and make you her bitch. You'll like it. You've got a pretty mouth.

Current Annoyances

1. Websites with "best of" countdowns that force you to click once per item to progress to the last one. I understand the desire to do this from a marketing point of view (more clicks means more ads), but it still annoys me.
2. My neck.
3. My girth. (Six Flags employees had to help me buckle in to multiple rides on my last visit. There were some real porkers there who needed no assistance to buckle in, but they tended to be short-ish, and didn't have to contend with shoulder harnesses that met resistance as soon as they were ever-so-slightly lowered.)

Show of hands: How many read number 3 on Goiter's current annoyance list and immediately got an entirely disturbing image in their heads?

*hand*

I should clarify too, I only got as far as "My girth", shuddered in horror, and quit reading. Now that I've read the entire annoyance, I'm even more convinced that you could have been talking about your penis.

You mean there's a possibility, if ever so slight, that he wasn't talking about his penis? What other meaning could there be?

That's what I'm saying!

Current Annoyance: I wasted my 300th post indirectly talking about Goiter's junk. So pissed.

By the time you get to 400 posts, you'd better be talking directly about Goiter's junk! No more of this indirect mumbo jumbo.

Strider wrote:

No more of this indirect mumbo jumbo.

Ironically enough, I've had a woman say that to me about *my* junk.

Meaning you have poor aim?

Poor aim with my jumbo junk, if we're getting technical.

Just to clarify, your jumbo junk is all that which is in your trunk, right?

Since we've established that you are fat, I mean.

Obama will fix it.

So where exactly does the "mumbo" come in?

Strider wrote:

So where exactly does the "mumbo" come in?

It comes in a vagina.

Thank you, I'm here all week.

Adam54 just made a Dalty Joke^TM.

That'll teach him to sleep during the day!

We really need a nice Dalty Joke^TM image tag. I have one in mind.

If it is something that represents a face palm, I will act all offended and shit!

Current annoyance - air conditioning.

Future annoyance - suppliers.

It's actually a pretty loving tribute. You will be touched.

You will be touched hard.

Daltons chin dimple wrote:

If it is something that represents a face palm, I will act all offended and shit!

Jakester wrote:

I hear Dalty's constipated.

If only that were true. I drank way, way, way too much red wine on Sunday night so on Monday morning I was about as far from constipated as it is possible to be without needing to call an ambulance.

Perhaps Hicks should start drinking before he goes into work.

Too......... many........... punchlines........