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Current Annoyances

Posted by The Swollen Goi... on Friday, March 5, 2010

I will be updating this infrequently. I will sometimes repeat myself. Feel free to add your own current annoyances.

Adam54
Location:
Posts: 2082
Posted: 10 years 38 weeks ago

 I'm mostly apathetic towards Marmaduke the comic. I don't hate it, I don't love it, it's just there. 

The thing is though, it is 478,000 times better than Family Circus. I yield to no man in my hatred of Family Circus. It is SO undeniably unfunny, uncute, unintelligent, and yet unfathomably exists in thousands of newspapers and has made a pretty nice living for the Keane family, I'm sure. 

And in the interest of full disclosure, I'm hating the Marmaduke movie off of the following: 

  1. The 15 second commercial that shows the dancing chorus of dogs. No. Just no. NO. BAD DOGS. BAD! Stop dancing and you'll get a biscuit. Keep dancing and we'll go over to the Korean restaurant and see who's dancing then, bitch.
  2. The fact that they made him talk. Like I said, I glance over the Marmaduke in the comics section whenever I happen to glance over a comics section. Peanuts it ain't. But Family Circus it ain't either. But for the LOVE OF GOD DON'T MAKE A NON TALKING CHARACTER TALK!!! They made a movie about Garfield. He talked. They made two painful movies about Alvin and the Chipmunks. (Separate rant there) They talked. BUT THEY TALKED IN THE FIRST FUCKING PLACE. The ENTIRE bits of ANYTHING CLOSE TO HUMOR in the Marmaduke comic revolve around the whacky things that Marmaduke does and the fact that his owners HAVE NO GOD DAMNED IDEA WHAT HE SAYS. Marmaduke tears up the couch, he looks sweet, and the owners say "Oh, Marmaduke" and we all have a good laugh. But NEVER DOES MARMADUKE LOOK AT THE OWNERS AND SAY "Sorry guys, me and my dancing dog buddies we're having a conga line on the couch, then it turned into an orgy, and I FUCKED the SHIT out of the cat that sounds like GEORGE LOPEZ! HAHAHAHA I'M HILARIOUS. I'm A NAUGHTY NAUGHTY GREAT DANE!" NO! It does NOT. EVER. HAPPEN. 
  3. George Lopez. He's unfunny enough that he could be a leading character in the Family Circus. HONEST TO CHRIST how does this man find work??? WHO decides that BEVERLY HILLS CHIHUAUA was SUCH a GREAT idea that they decide to make a movie about CGI dogs AGAIN and AGAIN decide it needs to feature GEORGE LOPEZ??? I don't get it. 
  4. The fact that once per year, if not more these days, we get absolutely shitty movies about talking dogs or cats or hamsters or vampires or penguins or whatever THE FUCK kind of animals they decide need to be featured this year. And they tell kids "hey! bring mom and dad! We'll teach you some new FART JOKES!! It'll be GREAT!!" And the parents have no God Damn spines to stand up and say NO! BAD KIDS! Read a book! Play outside! Draw a picture! Stay home and beat off for two hours, because ANYTHING would be better for you than sitting in a theater for two hours watching a dog/cat/hamster/chipmunk tell fart jokes and sing TERRIBLE SONGS! It's not just that these are bad movies, it's that they're bad movies WITHOUT HEART. Why does Pixar work so well? They have jokes for kids. Stuff crashes into each other. Things explode. Kids love it. But there's HEART in the story. We learn to appreciate the elderly. We learn to stop polluting before we destroy the world and ourselves. We learn about growing up, challenging ourselves, facing a world outside of what we've ever known. We do NOT have massive singalongs with FUCKING DOGS WHO TELL FART JOKES AND THEN CHASE A CAT VOICED BY GEORGE LOPEZ!! These are BAD movies, they are BAD for children, they have NO HEART, they are nothing but colossal wastes of money that are a SLAP IN THE GOD DAMNED FACE to people who don't HAVE enough money, and it just NEEDS to stop. Nothing would thrill me more than if Marmaduke became another Pluto Nash and loses hundreds of millions of dollars. 

But it won't. Because people will pander to their children. And then next summer they'll take them all to Transformers 3, and the cycle of stupidity will repeat itself again and again and again. It's why the terrorists hate us, (y'know, that and the junk food) and it's just shameful. 

I'm Adam54 and I approve this message. Vote for me for Post of the Day. 

Strider
Location:
Posts: 1430
Posted: 10 years 37 weeks ago

omicron wrote:

My current annoyance is the fact that I misspelled Marmaduke twice in one post.  It's closely folllowed by the fact that they actually thought it was a good idea to make a Marmaduke movie in the first fucking place.I am so glad I don't have a kid and would have to be dragged to this abomination of a movie in the first place.


So, you like torturing kids, do you?

www.gamingoutsiders.com
Mal Shot First
Location:
Posts: 3180
Posted: 10 years 35 weeks ago

Current Annoyances

  1. My YouTube account was terminated recently because of a third strike against their copyright infringement policy. What bothers me most is that I've lost all the videos I had saved in my "favorites" folder.
  2. I created a new YouTube account with a different Gmail address than before, but now I can't stay logged into YouTube and access my other Gmail accounts at the same time. If I go to the Gmail website, I'm automatically logged in under the account with which I signed up for YouTube. Thus, I have to log out of that Gmail account (i.e., my YouTube account) and then log in to the account I mainly use. Fuck you, Google, I don't want all my shit to be connected, damn it.

Jakester
Location:
Posts: 5753
Posted: 10 years 35 weeks ago

I'm annoyed that so far this season, Ana Paquin's Tits hasn't lived up to the show's title.

Richard Gozinya, Harold Snatch and Wilbur Jizz. Together we are the law firm Gozinya, Snatch and Jizz.
The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 10 years 35 weeks ago

Current Annoyance

It's after midnight, and the current temperature in St. Louis is 83°F (humidity: 74%). Tomorrow, the expected high is 99°F. It's gonna be nasty.

atrejub
Location:
Posts: 739
Posted: 10 years 35 weeks ago

And it's even hotter inside because all of these buildings are made of brick and act like ovens.

Stupid heat. Stupid humidity. Stupid lack-of-air-conditioner-in-bedroom.

Probably won't be able to sleep again tonight.

Daltons chin dimple
Location:
Posts: 12800
Posted: 10 years 35 weeks ago

Take one rubber hot water bottle and fill with iced water from the refridgerator.  Leave it in your bed for 30 minutes before going to sleep to create a cool spot.

At least, this is what I did when I was in Special Forces in the Middle East..... because, y'know, all double-hard trained killers carry hot water bottles and have access to iced water.   Possibly teddy bears too.

....says "Kill Bond, NOW!"
Quasar
Location:
Posts: 7588
Posted: 10 years 35 weeks ago

atrejub wrote:

And it's even hotter inside because all of these buildings are made of brick and act like ovens. Stupid heat. Stupid humidity. Stupid lack-of-air-conditioner-in-bedroom.Probably won't be able to sleep again tonight.

Having just recently watched the Dateline expose on the Arizona sweat lodge, I would recommend not living inside an oven for any length of time. You're welcome.

Faster and faster, a nightmare we ride. Who'll take the reins when the miracle dies? Faster and faster till everything dies. Killing is our way of keeping alive. - Virgin Steele, Blood and Gasoline
Mal Shot First
Location:
Posts: 3180
Posted: 10 years 35 weeks ago

In my experience, brick buildings tend to be cooler than those made primarily of wood/drywall. The insulation is much better with brick and it actually takes a longer amount of time for it to heat up than other materials. Unfortunately, once it does heat up, it takes it a longer amount of time to cool down, too.

Daltons chin dimple
Location:
Posts: 12800
Posted: 10 years 35 weeks ago

You should order Goiter to fan you like an enslaved Eunuch whilst you sleep.  Possibly feeding you grapes whenever you stir.

....says "Kill Bond, NOW!"
kah
Location:
Posts: 862
Posted: 10 years 35 weeks ago

I haven't had sex in 13 days and I haven't had time since I had the internet hooked up yesterday after a 2 month dry spell to watch the final episode of Lost.  Stupid fucking job. 

"Do me harder Jakester, you big stud!"
The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 10 years 35 weeks ago

Well,there's your problem.  You shouldn't consider fucking a job.  You should consider it a privilege.

Mal Shot First
Location:
Posts: 3180
Posted: 10 years 35 weeks ago

The Swollen Goi... wrote:

You shouldn't consider fucking a job.

You should consider fucking a GOB.

The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 10 years 35 weeks ago

<setup mode="obvious">I might just learn some tricks.</setup>

Jakester
Location:
Posts: 5753
Posted: 10 years 35 weeks ago

Kah, I will fuck you while you watch the final episode of Lost.  When it's over, you'll feel like you got fucked three times.

Richard Gozinya, Harold Snatch and Wilbur Jizz. Together we are the law firm Gozinya, Snatch and Jizz.
The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 10 years 35 weeks ago

Watching Lost makes a chick feel like she's been fucked four times?

Quasar
Location:
Posts: 7588
Posted: 10 years 35 weeks ago

HA!

Faster and faster, a nightmare we ride. Who'll take the reins when the miracle dies? Faster and faster till everything dies. Killing is our way of keeping alive. - Virgin Steele, Blood and Gasoline
Jakester
Location:
Posts: 5753
Posted: 10 years 35 weeks ago

You're mean, Goiter.

Richard Gozinya, Harold Snatch and Wilbur Jizz. Together we are the law firm Gozinya, Snatch and Jizz.
Strider
Location:
Posts: 1430
Posted: 10 years 35 weeks ago

Truth hurts.

www.gamingoutsiders.com
Daltons chin dimple
Location:
Posts: 12800
Posted: 10 years 35 weeks ago

The Swollen Goi... wrote:

Watching Lost makes a chick feel like she's been fucked four times?

I didn't watch the show, but from the reviews I get the impression that it was more likely to make somebody feel like it had been non-consensual........ four times.

....says "Kill Bond, NOW!"
The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 10 years 35 weeks ago

Two times! Two times!

Quasar
Location:
Posts: 7588
Posted: 10 years 35 weeks ago

That's still four!!!!!

Faster and faster, a nightmare we ride. Who'll take the reins when the miracle dies? Faster and faster till everything dies. Killing is our way of keeping alive. - Virgin Steele, Blood and Gasoline
The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 10 years 35 weeks ago

I know.

Jakester
Location:
Posts: 5753
Posted: 10 years 35 weeks ago

Horso.

Richard Gozinya, Harold Snatch and Wilbur Jizz. Together we are the law firm Gozinya, Snatch and Jizz.
Strider
Location:
Posts: 1430
Posted: 10 years 35 weeks ago

Obama will Netflix it.

www.gamingoutsiders.com