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Current Annoyances

Posted by The Swollen Goi... on Friday, March 5, 2010

I will be updating this infrequently. I will sometimes repeat myself. Feel free to add your own current annoyances.

Strider
Location:
Posts: 1430
Posted: 10 years 22 weeks ago

One time I literaturally pissed myself laughing...

www.gamingoutsiders.com
Jakester
Location:
Posts: 5753
Posted: 10 years 22 weeks ago

Poor Kah. 

Richard Gozinya, Harold Snatch and Wilbur Jizz. Together we are the law firm Gozinya, Snatch and Jizz.
Daltons chin dimple
Location:
Posts: 12800
Posted: 10 years 22 weeks ago

It's not the norovirus is it?  That causes country AND western.  Batman AND Robin.  Gilbert AND Sullivan.  It's not pleasant.

Current annoyance.  Man boobs.  Moobs.  Bitch tits.

I have lost 3 stone (is that about 43 pounds???) since June.  This is in an attempt to get rid of the weight I gained after I gave up smoking and replaced cigarettes with beer.... and food!

I now never drink beer during the week (Sunday to Thursday) and rarely drink alcohol during the week either.  If I do it is usually a couple of glasses of red wine.  I have replaced lardy breakfast with a cereal bar, and lardy lunch with a salad and some lean protein like chicken breast or a salmon fillet.

I exercise every weeknight on my cross trainer and with light weights / high reps.

My waist has gone from 36-37 inch down to about 32-33 inch and I am getting back to how I was when I swam, played soccer and rugby and walked a couple of miles a day to/from the station to my place of work.  All good?  Nope.

Because I am having massive trouble shifting the last vestiges of these damn bitch tits!

Any ideas????  What works?

....says "Kill Bond, NOW!"
Mal Shot First
Location:
Posts: 3180
Posted: 10 years 22 weeks ago

Lots and lots of push-ups. They work the large muscle groups in your torso, such as the abdominal and pectoral muscles.

Daltons chin dimple
Location:
Posts: 12800
Posted: 10 years 22 weeks ago

I hate push ups.  I wish I could do them one handed like some kind of Uber-Man+ but instead my arse sticks up in the air like some cat on heat before I fall on my face and start to cry like a woman.  LIKE A WOMAN!!!!!

Would bench presses do the same thing, only upside down?

....says "Kill Bond, NOW!"
Drakemd
Location:
Posts: 1905
Posted: 10 years 22 weeks ago

It's not safe to bench press upside down....I'm not even sure it is possible.

Turn your head and cough!
The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 10 years 22 weeks ago

Push-ups won't really get rid of man tits. They will put muscle under them, and deflate them a bit, but they will still be there. I've lost 60+ pounds twice in my lifetime, and both times left me with saggy tits. They shrink back a little if you manage to hold the weight off for more than a year--but only a little.

The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 10 years 22 weeks ago

That's my experience, at least.  Every body is different.

I wish you luck with your bitch tits, Dalty.

Mal Shot First
Location:
Posts: 3180
Posted: 10 years 22 weeks ago

Technically, bench pressing should achieve the same effect. People use chest presses when they want to target the chest area specifically:

Of course, you could also buy one of these compression shirts and save yourself some hard work.

The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 10 years 22 weeks ago

The only other option is to have a plastic surgeon do his thing.

omicron
Location:
Posts: 1238
Posted: 10 years 22 weeks ago

The Swollen Goi... wrote:

The only other option is to have a plastic surgeon do his thing.

What, perform a sex change so they become Boobs instead of Moobs?

We were watching Al-Quaeda, and all this time our security services should have been keeping watch on Jakester's throbbing nutsack!-Dalton's chin dimple
Adam54
Location:
Posts: 2082
Posted: 10 years 22 weeks ago

omicron wrote:

What, perform a sex change so they become Moobs instead of Boobs?

Fixed.

Daltons chin dimple
Location:
Posts: 12800
Posted: 10 years 22 weeks ago

Hmmm, liposuction on the bitch tits.  Isn't that technically cheating???

I have started the impromptu "drop and give myself 5!" push up regime.  So doing 5, properly, in the kitchen whilst waiting for the kettle to boil, in the study waiting for the computer to boot up, in the lounge whilst playing back my messages etc. etc. and will go up to 7-8 over the weekend, 9-10 next week and so on until I build up the ability gradually.

This is the nightmare of being in the mid-30's and abusing the body since 18 years old.  I remember when full on circuit training would hardly dent me.  Now I am having to start push ups from 5!!!

Also, the very bottom bit of the old beer paunch is being very stubborn, even as the definition starts to kick in at the top.  It looks v. wierd!!!  Curse the human body!!!

....says "Kill Bond, NOW!"
Daltons chin dimple
Location:
Posts: 12800
Posted: 10 years 22 weeks ago

Hmmm, liposuction on the bitch tits.  Isn't that technically cheating???

I have started the impromptu "drop and give myself 5!" push up regime.  So doing 5, properly, in the kitchen whilst waiting for the kettle to boil, in the study waiting for the computer to boot up, in the lounge whilst playing back my messages etc. etc. and will go up to 7-8 over the weekend, 9-10 next week and so on until I build up the ability gradually.

This is the nightmare of being in the mid-30's and abusing the body since 18 years old.  I remember when full on circuit training would hardly dent me.  Now I am having to start push ups from 5!!!

Also, the very bottom bit of the old beer paunch is being very stubborn, even as the definition starts to kick in at the top.  It looks v. wierd!!!  Curse the human body!!!

....says "Kill Bond, NOW!"
Drakemd
Location:
Posts: 1905
Posted: 10 years 22 weeks ago

Daltons chin dimple wrote:

So doing 5, properly, in the kitchen whilst waiting for the kettle to boil, in the study waiting for the computer to boot up, in the lounge whilst playing back my messages etc. etc.

This could become mildly uncomfortable for others around you...in the coffee shop while waiting for your latte, in the elevator while waiting for your floor, in the watercloset while waiting to wash your hands, in the bedroom while waiting for her to remove her clothes...wait, that one might actually help the situation.

Turn your head and cough!
Daltons chin dimple
Location:
Posts: 12800
Posted: 10 years 22 weeks ago

Drakemd wrote:

in the bedroom while waiting for her to remove her clothes...wait, that one might actually help the situation.

Yeah, I would look like I was limbering up!!! That means she would be twice as dissappointed!

....says "Kill Bond, NOW!"
Jakester
Location:
Posts: 5753
Posted: 10 years 22 weeks ago

I've started exercising more and watching what I eat.  *sigh* This getting older thing sucks.

Richard Gozinya, Harold Snatch and Wilbur Jizz. Together we are the law firm Gozinya, Snatch and Jizz.
Daltons chin dimple
Location:
Posts: 12800
Posted: 10 years 22 weeks ago

Yeah, but we've had a good innings Jake.  The amount of shit I have put my body through in the last 17 years is unbelievable and the fact that it hasn't crapped out on me yet makes me feel like maybe it is time I treated it a bit better.

That said, it is Friday.  So the weekend has landed!!!  Once more into the breach....

....says "Kill Bond, NOW!"
The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 10 years 22 weeks ago

I have to imagine your body has done at least a little crapping in seventeen years. Otherwise, you really *would* be huge.

Daltons chin dimple
Location:
Posts: 12800
Posted: 10 years 22 weeks ago

And very unwell.  I would also probably smell like New Delhi.

....says "Kill Bond, NOW!"
The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 10 years 22 weeks ago

Or maybe even <joke mode="Dalty">OLD DELI</joke>!

Daltons chin dimple
Location:
Posts: 12800
Posted: 10 years 21 weeks ago

I don't get it.

....says "Kill Bond, NOW!"
Quasar
Location:
Posts: 7588
Posted: 10 years 21 weeks ago

How is that possible? It was in Dalty joke mode.

Faster and faster, a nightmare we ride. Who'll take the reins when the miracle dies? Faster and faster till everything dies. Killing is our way of keeping alive. - Virgin Steele, Blood and Gasoline
Daltons chin dimple
Location:
Posts: 12800
Posted: 10 years 21 weeks ago

I think there is an error in his application.

....says "Kill Bond, NOW!"
The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 10 years 21 weeks ago

It's an older code, but it checks out.