Corona | Coming Attractions

So I was a bit bored and this was the best I could come up with in 10 seconds. Let's ignore that fact and move on.

Morinaga Hi-Chew. Grape-flavored. They used to sell it at the comic shop Goiter and I visit every week. Now if I want some single-flavored chewy goodness, I have to travel wide and far until I find a World Market.

Strider wrote:

So I was a bit bored and this was the best I could come up with in 10 seconds. Let's ignore that fact and move on.

With great thread-creating power comes great responsibility. Now you shall have to live with our chewy candy choices, and then with the inevitable, but amusing, descent of this thread into a discussion about banging various people/Star Wars/Ol' Beau Watkins/Ol' Moneybags Dimple/etc. Mwa-ha-ha-ha.

There's this pear taffy they sell at the base of St. Louis's Gateway Arch. It's good. The grape taffy is pretty good, too.

I'll have to keep that in mind the next time I am visiting my parents in St Louis. The taffy is sold inside the arch building, I assume. That is unless there's just some guy who sits outside at the base selling taffy.

atrejub wrote:

With great thread-creating power comes great responsibility. Now you shall have to live with our chewy candy choices, and then with the inevitable, but amusing, descent of this thread into a discussion about banging various people/Star Wars/Ol' Beau Watkins/Ol' Moneybags Dimple/etc. Mwa-ha-ha-ha.

I am fully aware of the situation. I'm just wondering what type of innuendo will be featured in whatever Jakester posts. I've already got a few likely candidates in mind.

Strider wrote:

I'm just wondering what type of innuendo will be featured in whatever Jakester posts.

His range is pretty limited.

* * *

And, yes, it is inside the building. This means you have to go through metal detectors if you want to buy their taffy. It's in the gift shop dedicated to local confections and "old-timeyness," and not the one dedicated to selling mini arches and books on Lewis, Clark, and Sacajawea.

I use to live for Charleston Chews. I'd buy one every day at the start of my paper route. Unfortunately in the winter, it'd freeze up solid and not be nearly as chewy. They were still good but in a different way.

I really like Milky Ways too. I always think I like 3 Muskateers, but then I never like them as much as I thought I would, and they kind of make my teeth hurt for some reason. Butterfingers rock.

Pay Days are pretty damn phenemonemal. I'd eat an entire bag if I had an entire bag was sitting in front of me right now.

I wouldn't throw a Baby Ruth out neither.

I'm not sure how many of these count as chewy candies.

Quasar has done gone and derailed this thread.

Since we're not talking about real chewy candy any longer, I should be allowed to mention Skittles. When I eat Skittles, I try to put as many of them as possible in my mouth at once. Usually, I end up emptying the entire bag when doing this, so the Skittles turn into this fantastically chewy mass in my mouth. It's really the only way to experience the rainbow of flavors.

You know what's really cool? I'll tell you.

It's when you buy one of those Skittles party-sized bags, and you start putting the Skittles in your mouth by the handful, chewing as you go along. You chew, but you never swallow. You want to get the whole bag's worth in your mouth at once. You chew and you chew, and your mouth gets fuller and fuller. Once you're about three-quarters of the way through the contents of the bag, you're no longer able to close your mouth, and your tongue is tingly, and purple-brown Skittles juice is running down your chin onto your shirt.

You're determined to get the last quarter of the bagful into your mouth, so you push another handful in, and then another, until you're gagging, and a little of the juice is running out your nose. You get down to the last handful, and you're feeling that old salivary quiver you usually feel when nauseated, around what you think must be your thyroid area, and you start breathing sounds through your nose you never thought you'd hear coming from your person.

You're a little worried about the possibility of hurling, but you're only one damned handful away from getting every last Skittle in your mouth. You push that last handful in. Your mouth is so full that your jaw is essentially locked into place. It doesn't really matter, since your jaw muscles are too tired to move.

A Skittle lump dislodges, and you aspirate it. You heave one mighty, obstruction-removing breath. The heaving motion triggers your gag reflex, and the next thing you know, you're fighting the urge to puke, thinking, This was all a big fucking mistake.

You start to puke, but the mouthful of Skittles is plugging the desired exit. It shoots out your nostrils instead, and maybe even a little out your eye sockets. You're so intent on digging out the Skittle stopper, though, that it doesn't even register.

Later on, when the mess is cleaned up, you reason that the Skittles in the middle of the giant Skittle ball you were eventually able to dig out were never exposed to your vomitus. You peel away the puke-slicked outer cover and consume the middle with some satisfaction. After all, you set out to get the whole bag's worth of Skittles in your mouth, and you succeeded. Mmm, you think to yourself, Taste the rainbow.

You have managed to put me off my Wham bar.

That there's a treasure of a sentence you just typed.

Daltons chin dimple wrote:

You have managed to put me off my Wham bar.

The Swollen Goi... wrote:

You know what's really cool? I'll tell you. It's when you buy one of those Skittles party bags, and you start putting the Skittles in your mouth by the handful, chewing as you go along. You chew, but you never swallow. You want to get the whole bag's worth in your mouth at once. So you chew and you chew, and your mouth gets fuller and fuller. Then, once you're about three-quarters of the way through the contents of the bag, you're no longer able to close your mouth, and your tongue is tingly, and purple-brown Skittles juice is running down your chin onto your shirt. You're damned determined to get the last quarter of the bagful into your mouth, though, so you push another handful in, and then another, until you're gagging and a little of the juice is running out your nose. You get down to the last handful, and you're feeling that old salivary pain you usually feel when nauseated, around what you think must be your thyroid area, and you start breathing sounds through your nose. You a little worried about the possibility of hurling, but you're only one damned handful away from getting every last Skittle in your mouth. So you push that last handful in, and your mouth is so full you aspirate a Skittle lump. Then you heave out a mighty, obstruction-removing breath. The heaving motion triggers your gag reflex, and the next thing you know, you're fighting the urge to puke, thinking, This was a big fucking mistake. You start to puke, but the mouthful of Skittles is plugging your puke hole, so it shoots out your nostrils instead, and maybe even a little out your eye sockets, but you're still trying to dig out the Skittle stopper, so you don't really give a shit. Later on, when the mess is cleaned up, you reason that the Skittles in the middle of the giant Skittle ball you were eventually able to dig out were never exposed to your vomitus. You peel away the puke-slicked outer cover and consume the middle with some satisfaction. After all, you set out to get the whole bag in your mouth, and you succeeded. Mmm, you think to yourself, Taste the rainbow.

You're doing it wrong.

Skittles are awesome. They're chewy on the inside, so I guess they kind of count.

Despite starting this thread, I am having a hard time coming up with a good chewy candy that I could call a "favorite", unless chocolate is involved. I do like those generic caramel cubes you can get at just about any drug store. I also like Starburst, but I don't eat them very often.

Mike & Ike's are plenty good.

Scottie Pippen used to hawk an item called "chewing squares". I've never heard of anything that sounded so deliciously tasty!

Mal Shot First wrote:

You're doing it wrong.

You're right. I revised it.

Daltons chin dimple wrote:

You have managed to put me off my Wham bar.

Wake me up before you go-go.

I'm going to surprise everyone and disappoint a few.

My favorite chewy candy would be one you can't get any more: Chewy Wacky Wafers. In fact, you can't get any kind of Wacky Wafer any more. That makes me sad. I loved them.
Also on the list: Chewy Spree, Skittles, Starburst (I love the strawberry ones), and the long ago retired Marathon bar. Ooooh! And those Goetz caramel cremes! They rock! They're caramel with gooey white stuff in the middle. (yeah, I had to say it)

I love Cow Tales.

In fact, there's this thing I really like to do with Cow Tales. Some day, I'll tell you all about it.

I know. You stick them in your pee-hole.

Peeholing Cow Tales is for amateurs.