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HAPPY RAPTURE DAY (again) MOTHERFUCKERS!!!

Posted by Quasar on Friday, October 21, 2011

And it's not some lame-ass "spiritual" rapture, either! No siree! This one's the REAL DEAL! The hallowed and the holy will be high-steppin' their way up to heaven come 5 PM Eastern Time (give or take never).

Ipsilon
Location:
Posts: 565
Posted: 8 years 10 hours ago

Why do we need two threads for this?

That happened and we all let it happen.
Quasar
Location:
Posts: 7588
Posted: 8 years 9 hours ago

2 Raptures, 2 threads.

Faster and faster, a nightmare we ride. Who'll take the reins when the miracle dies? Faster and faster till everything dies. Killing is our way of keeping alive. - Virgin Steele, Blood and Gasoline
The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 8 years 9 hours ago

Lookit Mr. Super-Thread-Economist over here!

Why don't we just have one TV thread, Mr. Super-Thread-Economist?!  Why we gotta splurge?  This is a recession!  (Or not, depending on the person you ask.)  You're chewing through bandwidth!

Next you're gonna tell me we can only have one joke thread.

The joke threads are all Dalty has, Ipsy.  Would you strip a man of all he has?

I knew a man like that once.  The whole world did.  He'd strip a man down to the bone, then suck out the marrow.  That man's name?  You guessed it.  Himmler.

Quasar
Location:
Posts: 7588
Posted: 8 years 9 hours ago

I think the question we really need to ask is, "Why do we need two Raptures?"

Faster and faster, a nightmare we ride. Who'll take the reins when the miracle dies? Faster and faster till everything dies. Killing is our way of keeping alive. - Virgin Steele, Blood and Gasoline
Jack S. Pharaoh
Location:
Posts: 2231
Posted: 8 years 8 hours ago

Why does God need a starship?  To build a city of rock and roll.

Quasar
Location:
Posts: 7588
Posted: 8 years 8 hours ago

Will we be riding a starship to the Rapture????

AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Faster and faster, a nightmare we ride. Who'll take the reins when the miracle dies? Faster and faster till everything dies. Killing is our way of keeping alive. - Virgin Steele, Blood and Gasoline
The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 8 years 7 hours ago

We'll be riding out to Hale-Bopp.  Hale-Bopp's way far away now, and won't be back to the inner solar system until 4385, but we don't give a fuck.

Mal Shot First
Location:
Posts: 3180
Posted: 8 years 5 hours ago

Quasar wrote:

Will we be riding a starship to the Rapture????

It will look like this:

Quasar
Location:
Posts: 7588
Posted: 8 years 27 min ago

Hey, I'm starting to disappear!!

Oh, fuck, it's after 5 PM eastern time. Never mind!

Faster and faster, a nightmare we ride. Who'll take the reins when the miracle dies? Faster and faster till everything dies. Killing is our way of keeping alive. - Virgin Steele, Blood and Gasoline
omicron
Location:
Posts: 1238
Posted: 7 years 52 weeks ago

well either this Rapture is bullshit or the rest of you are as irredeemable as me. Congrats!

We were watching Al-Quaeda, and all this time our security services should have been keeping watch on Jakester's throbbing nutsack!-Dalton's chin dimple
Quasar
Location:
Posts: 7588
Posted: 7 years 52 weeks ago

It can't be bullshit. There's too much biblical evidence to support it.

Faster and faster, a nightmare we ride. Who'll take the reins when the miracle dies? Faster and faster till everything dies. Killing is our way of keeping alive. - Virgin Steele, Blood and Gasoline
Quasar
Location:
Posts: 7588
Posted: 7 years 52 weeks ago

So it happened exactly like Camping predicted. Quiet, with nobody suffering any pain. People just going to sleep and then waking up the next day. It was a goddamn amazing Rapture. Hope we have another one tomorrow.

Faster and faster, a nightmare we ride. Who'll take the reins when the miracle dies? Faster and faster till everything dies. Killing is our way of keeping alive. - Virgin Steele, Blood and Gasoline
omicron
Location:
Posts: 1238
Posted: 7 years 51 weeks ago

http://religion.blogs.cnn.com/2011/10/28/doomsday-ministry-scrubs-end-of...

Apparently they've given up on being wrong all the time....

We were watching Al-Quaeda, and all this time our security services should have been keeping watch on Jakester's throbbing nutsack!-Dalton's chin dimple
The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 7 years 51 weeks ago

"We are to live so that we are ready for the return of Christ, and even pray for it."

To a believer with no pettiness in his heart, this statement probably looks totally fine--heart-warming, even.

To a person who grew up surrounded by the at-times-violent, told-you-so brand of southern Christians (such as yours truly), it's liable to come across a little bleaker.  I see this sort of thing, and I find myself fighting the urge to think it was said by someone frothing at the mouth for the blood of sinners and filled with glee at the thought of being given something special that most people won't be getting.

I am generally able to fight this urge, and I wind up convincing myself that people aren't as awful as I want to make them out to be.  For a little while, at least.

I've been a little disheartened by how in-your-face some non-believers have been about Camping & Co. being wrong about the world ending.  I find myself fighting the urge to think the majority of non-believers are like this. 

I know there are believers and non-believers alike who think Camping's followers are simpletons who deserved to be scammed.  Both camps have engaged in some told-you-so finger wagging.  

I can't really understand this burning desire some people have to see the world end.  It creeps me out.

The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 7 years 51 weeks ago

I acknowledge my part as an occasional finger wagger, of course.

Most of it has been directed specifically at Camping.  I'm still not sure if he's a bad guy, a deluded guy, or a plain crazy guy.

Daltons chin dimple
Location:
Posts: 12800
Posted: 7 years 51 weeks ago

I don't reckon the world is going to end on any timeline this joker says it will.

If it did, I would still buy you a tequila and we could watch the rapture together from a cafe whilst getting so wasted we forgot our own names. I'm buying!

....says "Kill Bond, NOW!"
Jack S. Pharaoh
Location:
Posts: 2231
Posted: 7 years 51 weeks ago

The Swollen Goi... wrote:

I can't really understand this burning desire some people have to see the world end. It creeps me out.

You know what creeps most people out? Midget porn.

Quasar
Location:
Posts: 7588
Posted: 7 years 51 weeks ago

Them's fightin' words!

Faster and faster, a nightmare we ride. Who'll take the reins when the miracle dies? Faster and faster till everything dies. Killing is our way of keeping alive. - Virgin Steele, Blood and Gasoline
Daltons chin dimple
Location:
Posts: 12800
Posted: 7 years 51 weeks ago

No, it's like lame porn. Just shorter.

....says "Kill Bond, NOW!"
The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 7 years 51 weeks ago

I don't know about "shorter."  I once downloaded a four-hour-long midget porno.  It was an hour long for every foot tall the tallest little person in the movie was.

Of course, there were people of average height in it.  You have to have people of average height to fuck the little people.

I don't think I've ever seen any little person-on-little person porn.

Quasar
Location:
Posts: 7588
Posted: 7 years 51 weeks ago

Try harder.

Faster and faster, a nightmare we ride. Who'll take the reins when the miracle dies? Faster and faster till everything dies. Killing is our way of keeping alive. - Virgin Steele, Blood and Gasoline
Jakester
Location:
Posts: 5753
Posted: 7 years 50 weeks ago

Did someone say "midget porn?!"

Richard Gozinya, Harold Snatch and Wilbur Jizz. Together we are the law firm Gozinya, Snatch and Jizz.
Quasar
Location:
Posts: 7588
Posted: 7 years 50 weeks ago

I'm so against midget porn, I won't even click on a link for "tiny pussies".

Faster and faster, a nightmare we ride. Who'll take the reins when the miracle dies? Faster and faster till everything dies. Killing is our way of keeping alive. - Virgin Steele, Blood and Gasoline
The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 7 years 50 weeks ago

Tiny pussies.  Huge hearts.

Drakemd
Location:
Posts: 1905
Posted: 7 years 50 weeks ago

The Swollen Goi... wrote:

Tiny pussies.  Huge hearts.

Can't lose!

Turn your head and cough!