Eat food, enjoy who you're with.
I was going to see The Road tonight, and as UN-holiday as it may seem, I suspect it's the perfect movie to see right now.
Been a little lonely since I moved into my own place, I thought my social life would pick up and it hasn't. When I visit or go to movies with friends that are married or in relationships, I have found myself put in the middle of their "wedded bliss" more often than not, witness to their arguing and mind games and body language that is just....So awkward. Really pisses me off, in fact. I'm glad I am single, more than ever, but at the same time, I feel more disconnected than ever.
After years of going through the motions, I left AA for good this year, fed up with other people's trying to meddle with my life or who to work for or whjat to demand, etc etc etc. Sorry, need to cut loose all those sick people, thinking they're spiritual and yet "God's Chosen" and trying to fix other people's lives. So over that shit. I'm fine. I had a problem with the white stuff. No longer. I was never a drunk. And these days I enjoy a nice little glass of red wine with dinner. Maybe some 420, too. I feel more normal than ever.
People in my life this year have been losing it, their lives seeming to collapse. I feel colder and more distant, and maybe a need to be kinder to others.
Holidays get me this way, sorry.
spammityspam
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Posted: 14 years 21 weeks ago
I feel the same way, but it's mostly because I get to go home for the holidays and we don't have any extended family to distract from my parents' avalanche of a relationship. I'm also going to be getting through it with booze and drugs!
As for your social life, I don't know, you'd be surprised what can happen when it's not looking. Two years ago I spent every night in my dorm room reading my economics textbook and out of nowhere I have a bigger friendgroup than I've ever had.
My mom went through AA, and while she got a lot out of it, to me it looked pretty much as you describe. But my mom is super into Jesus, so I guess it would work for her.
This was an unfocused post, but I guess my main point is I LURF YOU BILL, FEEL BETTER ABOUT THE HOLIDAYS. Think about how much free food there will be through mid-January. I actually get really excited about the holidays because I like buying presents and decorating and they give me an excuse to do it that isn't the fact that I'm slowly morphing into June Cleaver, like my mother did at my age. Watch bad Thanksgiving specials on TV! Celebrate the fact that you're not trapped in an endless relationship, snapping at someone you have begun to hate. Lives like yours and mine are usually pretty decent places to be.