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The Let's-Do-What-Little-We-Can-to-Cheer-Dalty Thread

Posted by The Swollen Goi... on Thursday, April 8, 2010

He won't be on the boards for another eight hours or so. Do your worst.

Edit: This was once the "The Make-Fun-of-Dalty-While-He's-Vacationing Thread." I've re-Christened it. Pray I don't re-Christen it further.

Edit: I re-Christened it further.

Edit: I re-re-Christened it.

Edit: It's more re-Christened, now, than man . . . twisted and evil.

kah
Location:
Posts: 862
Posted: 10 years 46 weeks ago

Please. Too easy. The kid has to look himself in the mirror every day just to shave. Hard to top that with mere words.

"Do me harder Jakester, you big stud!"
The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 10 years 46 weeks ago

I just want him to know we care.

I want him to wake and stumble into the comforting arms of our intense loathing--which intense loathing we've tastefully disguised, naturally, as playful ribbing.

(There's a period in my thread title, and I can't get rid of it. Damn it, Dalty! It's all your fault.)

The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 10 years 46 weeks ago

Also, he was one fucking post away from initiating the 2,500 Club. Way to drop the ball, Dalty.

The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 10 years 46 weeks ago

Don't bother with any of that milquetoast mockery. You gotta hit him hard, so's he can feel it.

I'm off to dinner. I expect to see some through-and-through nastiness directed toward his sleeping form when I get back.

Jack S. Pharaoh
Location:
Posts: 2231
Posted: 10 years 46 weeks ago

He thinks shark movies should be good but doesn't like them because they are simple-minded movies about people being chased by shark(s). Yeah.

Quasar
Location:
Posts: 7588
Posted: 10 years 46 weeks ago

Dalty's so dumb, he doesn't even live in America!

Faster and faster, a nightmare we ride. Who'll take the reins when the miracle dies? Faster and faster till everything dies. Killing is our way of keeping alive. - Virgin Steele, Blood and Gasoline
Jack S. Pharaoh
Location:
Posts: 2231
Posted: 10 years 46 weeks ago

He also modeled his English accent after Keanu's.

The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 10 years 46 weeks ago

There's a lot of nasty shit you can pin on Hitler.

You can't pin Dalty on Hilter, though, so Hitler can't be so bad.

The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 10 years 46 weeks ago

You can't really pin shit on Hilter, these days.

Not a whole lot can be pinned to ash.

Shit sure can't be pinned to ash.

atrejub
Location:
Posts: 739
Posted: 10 years 46 weeks ago

The Swollen Goi... wrote:

There's a lot of nasty shit you can pin on Hitler.

To add insult to injury, Goiter is typing this while taking a shit.

omicron
Location:
Posts: 1238
Posted: 10 years 46 weeks ago

Why would I want to make fun of that tea-drinking, Queen-loving, soccer-watching, driving-on-the-wrong-side-of-the-road, lying-about-his-own-death wanker?

We were watching Al-Quaeda, and all this time our security services should have been keeping watch on Jakester's throbbing nutsack!-Dalton's chin dimple
The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 10 years 46 weeks ago

atrejub wrote:

To add insult to injury, Goiter is typing this while taking a shit.

Believe it or not, that's actually true.

Space Tycoon
Location:
Posts: 2464
Posted: 10 years 46 weeks ago

omicron wrote:

Queen-loving


Which Queen, the band or the monarch?

The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 10 years 46 weeks ago

I found this little blurb about Dalty on ListVerse's "Top 10 Most Evil Women":

"The first Australian woman to be sentenced to a natural life term without parole, Daltons chin dimple had a history of violence in relationships. She mashed the dentures of one of her ex-husbands and slashed the throat of another husband’s eight-week-old puppy before his eyes. A heated relationship with John Charles Thomas Price became public knowledge with an Apprehended Violence Order that Price had filed against dimple and ended with dimple stabbing Price to death with a butcher’s knife. He had been stabbed at least 37 times, both front and back, with many of the wounds penetrating vital organs. She then skinned him and hung his “suit” from the door frame in the living room, cut off his head and put it in the soup pot, baked his buttocks, and prepared gravy and vegetables to accompany the ‘roast’. The meal and a vindictive note were set out for the children, luckily discovered by police before they arrived home."

The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 10 years 46 weeks ago

Geez, Folks. This has been a poor turnout. Dalty will be on Corona in approximately three hours. I was expecting more.

Sorry, Dalty. I guess your fellow posters (yours truly excluded, natch) just don't care enough about you to trash talk you in your absence.

I hope that doesn't make you feel inadequate, or discourage you from posting your trademark inanities.

The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 10 years 46 weeks ago

Dalty wrote a poem about himself a few weeks ago. He wasn't too sure about it, so he e-mailed it to me and asked me to give him some constructive criticism. It was crap and I was busy, so I never bothered to respond. If you guys want to workshop it for him, though, be my guest. Here it is:

"Ode on a British Dalty (By Which I Mean Me)"
Dalty's a concept
By which we measure
Our pain.

I'll say it again.

Dalty's a concept
By which we measure
Our pain.

Yeah.

He don't believe in Jakester.
He don't believe in Goiter.
He don't believe in Quasar.
He don't believe in Spacey.
He don't believe in Hicksey.
He don't believe in Strider.
He don't believe in Kaeos.
He don't believe in Voyeur.
He don't believe in GUS.
He don't believe in Mal.
He don't believe in kah.
He don't believe in atrejub.
He don't believe in mckracken.
He don't believe in Corona.

He don't believe in Jack.

He just believes in him--
Zim zala bim!--
And deceiving trim.

The lie is over.
What can he say?
The lie is over!
That South African psycho
Saw him on the subway.

He was a jizz master,
But was, frankly, a bit salty.
He was an ewok,
But now he's just Dalty.

Sua maxima culpa!
(It's all his fault-y.)

The lie is over!!!

The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 10 years 46 weeks ago

If you ask me, it's a little too fuckin' . . . too.

Daltons chin dimple
Location:
Posts: 12800
Posted: 10 years 46 weeks ago

Yeah, well I'm awake now bitches. Rrrrraaaaaaaggggghhhhh! Fuck you all, fuck you all very much!!!!! ;)

kah wrote:

Please. Too easy. The kid has to look himself in the mirror every day just to shave. Hard to top that with mere words.

Harsh, but true. Every morning I look into my own cold, dead eyes and I cry a little whilst I shave. But that might also be because I am too tight to buy a new razor.

....says "Kill Bond, NOW!"
Daltons chin dimple
Location:
Posts: 12800
Posted: 10 years 46 weeks ago

Only two things upset me about this thread:

1) That Jakester hasn't even bothered to stop by and call me a c*nt.

2) That Goiter was actually thinking about me whilst on the toilet. There is not enough water that the universe could pump through my shower to make me feel clean after reading that.

....says "Kill Bond, NOW!"
The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 10 years 46 weeks ago

Ooh, sweet! Now that Dalty's here, I can start a thread-specific, running Dalty "whilst" count!

Thread-Specific, Running Dalty "Whilst" Count
2

Daltons chin dimple
Location:
Posts: 12800
Posted: 10 years 46 weeks ago

omicron wrote:

Why would I want to make fun of that tea-drinking, Queen-loving, soccer-watching, driving-on-the-wrong-side-of-the-road, lying-about-his-own-death wanker?

3) That I fucking hate tea!

....says "Kill Bond, NOW!"
The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 10 years 46 weeks ago

Edit to Previous Post:

Was given unique opportunity to add another "whilst" to the counter, since Dalty posted a second one while I was posting my "Thread-Specific, Running Dalty 'Whilst' Count" post.

Daltons chin dimple
Location:
Posts: 12800
Posted: 10 years 46 weeks ago

And I was posting this one whilst you were posting that one.

Also, I think that this thread needs more W-hill W-heaton.

....says "Kill Bond, NOW!"
The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 10 years 46 weeks ago

Hwith Cool Hwip?

* * *

Thread-Specific, Running Dalty "Whilst" Count
3

HI MY NAME IS GUS
Location:
Posts: 357
Posted: 10 years 46 weeks ago

When I saw that there were 7 "new posts" in this thread, my first thought was that Goiter had edited one post seven times.

I was pleasantly surprised to discover he had only edited 1 post 1 time.

Think of me as a megaphone directed at God's eardrum, my child.