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celebrity news

The wisdom of Jessica Alba

Posted by Patrick Sauriol on Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Elle magazine is featuring Jessica Alba on its December cover and boy, do they have a doozy of an article with the actress in it. Whomever interviewed Jessica must have known that the material was going to attract the interest of several groups, among them Hollywood screenwriters. Whether Jessica was self-aware enough to realize that what she was saying was going to offend people remains a mystery.

Here's what Alba did: Elle magazine is running a photo shoot showing the brunette looker in garden-y scenery. She looks great, but the quotes from Alba that accompany the photo spread aren't as flattering to the lady. Here's two quotes featuring the wisdom of Jessica Alba as printed by Elle:

"I know I haven't been swimming in the deep end with some of the movies I've done. I wasn't trying to. I knew what they were." (Finally, there's an admission from someone that made Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer that it was crap.)

And then there's this zinger that I'm sure delights every screenwriter who ever wrote something for Alba to utter: "Good actors, never use the script unless it's amazing writing. All the good actors I've worked with, they all say whatever they want to say."

Oh, really?

Screenwriter John August (Big FishCharlie's Angels) wasn't going to let this one slip on by. In a post on his blog titled "Oh, Jessica", August made the following observation: "So if an aspiring actor wishes to be 'good,' she should say whatever she wants to say? That’s pretty terrible advice."

To be fair, August wants to give Alba the benefit of the doubt. Maybe her quotes were taken out of context, or maybe she was under duress from stopping to smell all of those pretty flowers in Carter Smith's flattering photo shoot. In any case, perhaps she deserves a chance for a rebuttal before the wordsmiths of show business write her out of their screenplays.

Clock's ticking, Jessica.

-Elle, John August.
Quasar
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Posted: 11 years 46 weeks ago

I love how the screenwriter they quote for a response is the guy who wrote Charlie's Angels.

Faster and faster, a nightmare we ride. Who'll take the reins when the miracle dies? Faster and faster till everything dies. Killing is our way of keeping alive. - Virgin Steele, Blood and Gasoline
Jakester
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Posted: 11 years 46 weeks ago

Yes, well, she also inadvertently tweeted topless pictures of herself, so...THANKS, JESSICA!

Richard Gozinya, Harold Snatch and Wilbur Jizz. Together we are the law firm Gozinya, Snatch and Jizz.
The Swollen Goi...
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Posted: 11 years 46 weeks ago

What's the deal with the comma after "Good actors"? Is she addressing them directly with some advice? If they were good actors, would they need her advice? Did she make such a significant pause when she said it that the transcriber felt it important to indicate the pause through punctuation? Did she write it out herself? Is it a copy editing mistake? I need to know!

The Swollen Goi...
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Posted: 11 years 45 weeks ago

Good actors, never let your mouths write checks your asses can't cash.

The Swollen Goi...
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Posted: 11 years 45 weeks ago

Good actors, never floss more than once daily.  

Mal Shot First
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Posted: 11 years 45 weeks ago

I'm wondering whether she meant to say that all the good actors she knows have modified lines of dialogue to suit their acting style. For example, repetition of lines that aren't repeated in the script can have achieve a dramatic effect. I doubt, however, that most serious actors just make up dialogue on the spot.

The Swollen Goi...
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Posted: 11 years 45 weeks ago

Good actors, good riddance.

The Swollen Goi...
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Posted: 11 years 45 weeks ago

Good actors, don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys.