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Official CCA "Attract Bizarre Ads to the Site" Thread

Posted by The Swollen Goi... on Monday, April 22, 2013

Have I told you guys about anal fissure? I'm sure I've told you guys about anal fissure. If I haven't, I should. Everybody ought to know about anal fissure.

The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 7 years 31 weeks ago

If you want to make sure your friends know about anal fissure, you should approach them thus:

"Yo, Bro, I done told you 'bout anal fissure?"

If they've been told, they'll say, "You askin' me if you done told me 'bout anal fissure? Yeah. You done told."

Then you ask, "You fissure, Bro?"

What's that? What if they don't say, "Fissure, Bro"? Well, that's when you tell them about anal fissure.

Corporal_Hicks
Location:
Posts: 1664
Posted: 7 years 31 weeks ago

 I have an anal fissure in my life right now too, Goiter.

 

Just keep telling yourself that everything will be "okay".

Sent from Dalton's IPad.
The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 7 years 31 weeks ago

You, too, have an anal fissure?

That's tough. Well, it's probably tender.

The anal fissure, I mean.

Daltons chin dimple
Location:
Posts: 12800
Posted: 7 years 31 weeks ago

Anal fissures are potentially dangerous.  You should either get that anal fissure checked out, or get some cream to treat the anal fissure.

Any kind of anal fissure cream should do it.

....says "Kill Bond, NOW!"
The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 7 years 31 weeks ago

I wouldn't trust just any anal fissure cream. I'd want to make sure it was a nitroglycerin-containing cream. That's the cream of the anal fissure ointment crop.

If you're unsure how and when to apply your anal fissure cream to your anal fissure, I recommend visiting this thread on the Anal Fissure Support Forum.

The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 7 years 31 weeks ago

I'm seeing ads for the 57. L01u5 Blu35 h0ck3y t34m, so all this talk of anal fissures is clearly paying off. (Forgive the faux "leet" talk. I just didn't want to encourage the ad monster to get too off-topic. Because the topic is clearly still anal fissures--as opposed to mobile anal fissures.)

Mal Shot First
Location:
Posts: 3180
Posted: 7 years 31 weeks ago

It is a bit sad that the one thread capable of staying on topic is the one about anal fissures.

The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 7 years 31 weeks ago

Just to be clear: the one thread about anal fissures to which you refer is this specific thread, right?

This thread isn't necessarily just about anal fissures. It's only really about anal fissures while we're on the first page. There's really no reason to continue to make it about anal fissures once we're on the second page.

The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 7 years 31 weeks ago

SUCCESS!!!

The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 7 years 31 weeks ago

Success, sure, but also kinda sad. Is this my life, now?

Anal fissure.

Daltons chin dimple
Location:
Posts: 12800
Posted: 7 years 31 weeks ago

And a big well done to all involved.

It is only fair though, as this is Patricks site, that we all click through the ad and make a purchase so he gets his PPS amount.

For God's sake nobody start talking about luxury sports cars!!!!!

....says "Kill Bond, NOW!"
The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 7 years 31 weeks ago

You done did, Moneybags. We're all screwed. Well, not you. 

Make sure to click the inevitable Porsche ad once for each of us and spend, spend, spend.

You know, for Patrick.

It probably seems unfair to most of you that Jubbers and I will wind up with two Porsches. You're right. We'll be sure to sell hers. It's one of those lame Cayennes. Mine's the 918 Spyder. Seems wrong to sell it. It also seems wrong that I'll have to wait until September for it, but I'm a patient dude.

Make sure it's the coupé and not the roadster, Dalty. I'm a family man, fer chrissakes. Jubboiter needs a real roof over her head. All right. She doesn't need it. It just makes me look like a better parent, is all. When it comes to parenting, appearances are really the only thing that matters.

The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 7 years 31 weeks ago

Those sonsofbitches. It took twenty-seven mentions of anal fissure to get that Emuaid ad. I make one post mentioning the roofs of cars, and this happens:

I visited the Emuaid link, by the way. They had a YouTube-hosted video up for their product. Give it a look:
 

 

Mal Shot First
Location:
Posts: 3180
Posted: 7 years 31 weeks ago

Man, that voice! Sounds like they recorded a woman talking normally and then slowed down the recording to about 90% of its original speed.

Daltons chin dimple
Location:
Posts: 12800
Posted: 7 years 30 weeks ago

 Or she's stoned.

....says "Kill Bond, NOW!"
The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 7 years 30 weeks ago

Everybody must get stoned.

Daltons chin dimple
Location:
Posts: 12800
Posted: 7 years 30 weeks ago

 I haven't done that for years.

....says "Kill Bond, NOW!"
The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 7 years 30 weeks ago

You would not feel so all alone.

Daltons chin dimple
Location:
Posts: 12800
Posted: 7 years 30 weeks ago

 I am not lonely.  I have a cat.

....says "Kill Bond, NOW!"
Mal Shot First
Location:
Posts: 3180
Posted: 7 years 30 weeks ago
Daltons chin dimple
Location:
Posts: 12800
Posted: 7 years 30 weeks ago

 I have one of those too.  The cat is better value though.  The cat doesn't answer back nearly as much as the Mrs.

....says "Kill Bond, NOW!"
The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 7 years 30 weeks ago

You're married? I thought she was just a girlfriend.

Daltons chin dimple
Location:
Posts: 12800
Posted: 7 years 30 weeks ago

We have had this discussion.  "The Mrs" is a catch-all term, not just limited to the married.

....says "Kill Bond, NOW!"
The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 7 years 30 weeks ago

You're married? I thought she was just a girlfriend.

Mal Shot First
Location:
Posts: 3180
Posted: 7 years 30 weeks ago

Isn't "Ms." the catch-all term?