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The Prequels Strike Back (article at Tor)

Posted by Quasar on Tuesday, August 23, 2011

http://www.tor.com/blogs/2011/08/the-prequels-strike-back#207084

I was going to post this link, but I'm 5 years over the Prequels.

Jakester
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Posts: 5753
Posted: 2 years 34 weeks ago

My son wanted to watch Episode I because he was curious about Jar-Jar. I told him Jar-Jar was annoying and that only little kids would find him funny. He did think Jar-Jar was kind of funny, but got thoroughly bored with the movie about the time they were leaving Tattooine.

My thoughts after seeing it again were that this movie fails on every level. It's embarassing.

Richard Gozinya, Harold Snatch and Wilbur Jizz. Together we are the law firm Gozinya, Snatch and Jizz.
The Swollen Goi...
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Posted: 2 years 34 weeks ago

What's really embarrassing is that the prequels got even worse after Episode I.

Corporal_Hicks
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Posted: 2 years 34 weeks ago

Prequels sucked.

Sent from Dalton's IPad.
Corporal_Hicks
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Posts: 1664
Posted: 2 years 34 weeks ago

What's really embarrassing is that they had to go make the OT worse with a bunch of crappy updates in order to "bridge-the-crappiness" gap between the two trilogies.

Sent from Dalton's IPad.
The Swollen Goi...
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Posts: 14343
Posted: 2 years 34 weeks ago

To address some of the person's points:

1.) While I like McGregor as Obi-Wan, the article writer paints him as some sort of badass.  He gets his ass handed to him pretty consistently until the second half of Revenge of the Sith, at which point we're supposed to believe he's a decent Jedi, all of a sudden.  His major kills leading up to his duel with Anakin are both here-I-am-hanging-over-the-side-of-another-platform sneak kills.  (So uncivilized!)

2.) Palpatine hams too much for me to enjoy it.  Then again, I've never liked the character.  He always annoyed me as a kid.  It bothered me that Vader didn't just chop him down in their first scene together--especially on subsequent viewings.  "Don't be a bitch, Vader!  All he has on you is some dumb lightning fingers!"

3.) "Duel of the Fates" is pretty great, but it's really the only music from the prequels that stands out to me.  I own all three soundtracks, and never feel a compulsion to listen to any of them.  If I want "Duel of the Fates," I just go to YouTube.

4.) The ships were pretty blah.  Most of the ones designed by Doug Chiang just felt wrong to me, like they shouldn't even be in a Star Wars movie.  I know they were going for sleek and shiny and ornate because they wanted to show what life was like before the Empire dragged the galaxy down--and they do look kind of cool once I divorce them from Star Wars in my mind--but they always felt out of place.  The ships in Episode III do feel closer to right, but they also have that old CG weightlessness to them (which I suppose should work in space) that makes me not believe in them.

5.) Regarding the "Subtle Vader-like Qualities of Anakin": 

This has to be a fucking joke.  There was nothing subtle about any of it.  And we never got an Anakin (in Lloyd or Christensen) who was capable of making us look past the unsubtlety of the character.  We're really supposed to care about the character and feel like it's a loss when he turns to the Dark Side?

* * *

Yes, there are things about the prequels that are praiseworthy, but you shouldn't feel like you have to comb the desert of all three of them just to find a handful of things to give faint praise to.

I'm six years, three months, and four days over the prequels, though.

Quasar
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Posted: 2 years 34 weeks ago

Does that mean you'd walk up to Lucas and shake his hand?

Faster and faster, a nightmare we ride. Who'll take the reins when the miracle dies? Faster and faster till everything dies. Killing is our way of keeping alive. - Virgin Steele, Blood and Gasoline
The Swollen Goi...
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Posted: 2 years 34 weeks ago
The Swollen Goi...
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Posted: 2 years 34 weeks ago

Quasar wrote:

Does that mean you'd walk up to Lucas and shake his hand?

Sure.

Just because the guy got old and made a bunch of shitty movies doesn't mean he doesn't deserve my respect.

Daltons chin dimple
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Posted: 2 years 34 weeks ago

I just returned from a weekend camping trip with awesome kids, all under ten, who are massively in to all things Star Wars. They think the prequels are just the best things ever committed to celluloid.

They just don't question the gaps or inconsistencies. Kinda like us, when we were kids, with the OT.

....says "Kill Bond, NOW!"
The Swollen Goi...
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Posts: 14343
Posted: 2 years 34 weeks ago

My imaginary group of camping buddies all under the age of ten tell me they already think the prequels are lame and that they're sure glad they grew out of that phase. They think the Clone Wars is occasionally decent, and they constantly tell me they're surprised how well the original trilogy holds up.

Daltons chin dimple
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Posted: 2 years 34 weeks ago

These kids also thought my Wookie impression was good.

....says "Kill Bond, NOW!"
omicron
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Posted: 2 years 34 weeks ago

Did you do it with an Australian accent?

Dirty Wookie was Australian, wasn't he? If he wasn't, then I apologize, because the joke makes no sense then.

We were watching Al-Quaeda, and all this time our security services should have been keeping watch on Jakester's throbbing nutsack!-Dalton's chin dimple
Quasar
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Posts: 7587
Posted: 2 years 34 weeks ago

Dirty Wookie IS Australian. We only use "was" if he's dead or had a sex change.

Faster and faster, a nightmare we ride. Who'll take the reins when the miracle dies? Faster and faster till everything dies. Killing is our way of keeping alive. - Virgin Steele, Blood and Gasoline
omicron
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Posted: 2 years 34 weeks ago

Ok, in that case, my joke to Dalty was fucking HILARIOUS!

We were watching Al-Quaeda, and all this time our security services should have been keeping watch on Jakester's throbbing nutsack!-Dalton's chin dimple
Daltons chin dimple
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Posted: 2 years 34 weeks ago

He is, it was.

I will now forever imagine Chewie with an Aussie twang.

....says "Kill Bond, NOW!"
Corporal_Hicks
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Posted: 2 years 34 weeks ago

Daltons chin dimple wrote:

They love my gaps.

I hope Adam54 can find you a mid-range lawyer!

Sent from Dalton's IPad.
Daltons chin dimple
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Posts: 12800
Posted: 2 years 34 weeks ago

I think I speak for all of us when I ask this:

What the fuck are you talking about?

....says "Kill Bond, NOW!"
Quasar
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Posts: 7587
Posted: 2 years 34 weeks ago

You'd know if you knew how to speak douchebag.

Faster and faster, a nightmare we ride. Who'll take the reins when the miracle dies? Faster and faster till everything dies. Killing is our way of keeping alive. - Virgin Steele, Blood and Gasoline
The Swollen Goi...
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Posted: 2 years 34 weeks ago

He had to choose between douchebags and moneybags when he was younger.  At least he's fluent in one of them.

Corporal_Hicks
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Posted: 2 years 34 weeks ago

I. need.  douche.

Sent from Dalton's IPad.
neglet
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Posted: 2 years 34 weeks ago

My son, now 17, was three when I introduced him to the OT, and five when he saw the first of the prequels. He doesn't think they totally suck; he was a kid when they came out and they were cool compared to the usual kiddy movie shit available to him. He usually pulls out the whole series once a year and watches all six, from I to VI. I try not to watch and sob, especially during II, which I think is the worst of the lot by a loooong shot.

The Swollen Goi...
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Posted: 2 years 34 weeks ago

I think Episode II is the worst of the bunch, though I like the idea of Obi-Wan's noir investigation.  I think it almost works on occasion, which makes the disappointment even greater.  The love story is portion is one of the most embarrassing things I've ever sat through in a theater.

Episode I is mostly dull, with some moments so unintentionally hilarious that they take away some of the dullness.  I like some of the final duel, and I like Liam Neeson as a Jedi.  Ewan is absolutely wasted until his big "NOOOOOOO!" moment.  Li'l Chosen One Annie was, of course, dreadfully awful.  I felt this at the time, and I still feel it, but I have to admit that, considering the astronomical awfulness of the Annie-to-come, Li'l Chosen One Annie doesn't look as bad in retrospect.

Episode III was also pretty awfully awful, and I think it's a shame how often we overlook how awful it was to concentrate on the awfulness of Episodes I and II.

Ipsilon
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Posts: 565
Posted: 2 years 34 weeks ago

I was disappointed in the lightsaber fight in Episode III.  It should've completely eclipsed the Maul fight in Episode I and instead was eclipsed by it.

While I acknowledge and agree with a lot of (all of) the flaws ya'll point out, I seem to treat the prequels with less disdain.  From you guys, I get the impression that you'd spit in their path if they were people.  Possibly even mug them.  I just kinda look at them and frown, disappointedly.

That happened and we all let it happen.
Mal Shot First
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Posted: 2 years 34 weeks ago
Ipsilon
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Posts: 565
Posted: 2 years 34 weeks ago

Yeah, something like that. :)  Better hair, though.

That happened and we all let it happen.