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Quick, look busy. Jesus is coming!

Posted by Daltons chin dimple on Wednesday, May 29, 2013

For reelz. He is in Australia. Because, well... why not?

http://news.sky.com/story/1096687/former-it-specialist-claims-to-be-jesus-reborn

The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 7 years 26 weeks ago

He can't stop coming.

Daltons chin dimple
Location:
Posts: 12800
Posted: 7 years 26 weeks ago

 There's a gag about wine in there somewhere......

....says "Kill Bond, NOW!"
Mal Shot First
Location:
Posts: 3180
Posted: 7 years 26 weeks ago

He couldn't stop coming after gagging on some wine?

The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 7 years 26 weeks ago

It started out white but ended up red. It was mistaken for wine.

Daltons chin dimple
Location:
Posts: 12800
Posted: 7 years 26 weeks ago

 Maybe he had some kind of kidney problem.

....says "Kill Bond, NOW!"
The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 7 years 26 weeks ago

He had liver stones.

Daltons chin dimple
Location:
Posts: 12800
Posted: 7 years 26 weeks ago

 Makes walking on water tricky.  Buoyancy issues.

....says "Kill Bond, NOW!"
The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 7 years 26 weeks ago

I wonder what sort of equivocating this guy would do if somebody broke out the Aramaic on him.

He claims to remember the crucifixion vividly. He should remember his mother tongue from this period too, right?

I dunno. I'm sure there are studies suggesting that people remember images from their past better than languages from their past in cases where the languages of their past differ from the languages of their present.

The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 7 years 26 weeks ago

He should probably also have an understanding of Hebrew and Greek.

Daltons chin dimple
Location:
Posts: 12800
Posted: 7 years 26 weeks ago

 He would claim you are speaking in tongues.

....says "Kill Bond, NOW!"
Space Tycoon
Location:
Posts: 2464
Posted: 7 years 26 weeks ago

Driving north on the 427 I often see a sign for some church that reads, "Will you be ready when Jesus returns?"

I feel a strong urge to replace the word "Jesus" with "Elvis."  I really want to do this.

Like, so badly I shouldn't even be writing about it.

The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 7 years 26 weeks ago

Will you be ready when Jesus comes?

Space Tycoon
Location:
Posts: 2464
Posted: 7 years 26 weeks ago

The Lord is come.

 

neglet
Location:
Posts: 1434
Posted: 7 years 26 weeks ago

Space Tycoon wrote:

Driving north on the 427 I often see a sign for some church that reads, "Will you be ready when Jesus returns?"I feel a strong urge to replace the word "Jesus" with "Elvis."  I really want to do this.Like, so badly I shouldn't even be writing about it.


I have the same strong compulsion every time I pass this office park named a "worksenter." They spelled it that way so people would remember it, but all I want to do is crash a truck into the sign and paint over the s with a c.

The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 7 years 26 weeks ago

Workscenter!

The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 7 years 26 weeks ago

I broke my workscenter. Now everything smells like not working. 

Space Tycoon
Location:
Posts: 2464
Posted: 7 years 26 weeks ago

neglet wrote:

I have the same strong compulsion every time I pass this office park named a "worksenter." They spelled it that way so people would remember it, but all I want to do is crash a truck into the sign and paint over the s with a c.

Sometimes we must give in to our urges.

Daltons chin dimple
Location:
Posts: 12800
Posted: 7 years 26 weeks ago

 My local church, every Easter, has a huge sign outside stating 'He Is Risen'.  Not a lot I can do with that.

....says "Kill Bond, NOW!"
The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 7 years 26 weeks ago

Anagram it:

HE IS RESIN
ERE HIS SIN
HERE I SINS
I SIRE HENS
HEN IRISES
HEREIN, I SS
SHE REINS I
I RINSE SHE
I SNEER HIS
SINS IRE, EH?
I HISS NEER
I HIRE SNES

Admittedly, some of the better options may require creative grammar and/or spelling. Some would clearly benefit from punctuation.

This won't work if it's an actual sign, of course. If it's just swappable letters on a marquee, though, you're in luck.

Quasar
Location:
Posts: 7588
Posted: 7 years 26 weeks ago

If you break off the leg of the "R" and use it as an "i" to replace the last "e", you can get 'He Is Pisin'. Maybe you you could mangle up that extra "e" enough to resemble an "s".

Faster and faster, a nightmare we ride. Who'll take the reins when the miracle dies? Faster and faster till everything dies. Killing is our way of keeping alive. - Virgin Steele, Blood and Gasoline
The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 7 years 26 weeks ago

Just get some spray paint and craft the vulgarity of your choice. That's the quick and easy way. 

Daltons chin dimple
Location:
Posts: 12800
Posted: 7 years 26 weeks ago

 Baby Jesus is my favourite kind of Jesus.

Maybe He Is Risen because he wants feeding.

....says "Kill Bond, NOW!"
Mal Shot First
Location:
Posts: 3180
Posted: 7 years 26 weeks ago

A few additional anagrams:

IN HERE, SIS
IS RESIN, EH?
SHE'S IN IRE
IN HEIRESS