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Random III

Posted by The Swollen Goi... on Wednesday, September 1, 2010

It's not that I don't like cleaning Adam54's cock, it's that I don't like Adam54 having a clean cock.

Drakemd
Location:
Posts: 1905
Posted: 9 years 48 weeks ago

KV, that picture looks like The Hulk's junk.  Or Jakester's on St. Patrick's day.  He has to be festive to keep Klah interested.

Turn your head and cough!
Quasar
Location:
Posts: 7588
Posted: 9 years 48 weeks ago

For all our sakes, we better hope that Klah never loses interest.

Faster and faster, a nightmare we ride. Who'll take the reins when the miracle dies? Faster and faster till everything dies. Killing is our way of keeping alive. - Virgin Steele, Blood and Gasoline
Jakester
Location:
Posts: 5753
Posted: 9 years 48 weeks ago

In high school, I bought a vertical blind cleaner (three smallish brushes on a handle) because it came with directions:

  1. Open blinds.
  2. Insert 1 slat into each opening of the duster.
  3. Move duster back and forth.
  4. Remove duster.

Also, it disturbs me somewhat that chainsaws need the warning "Do not operate while naked."

Lemon scented dish detergent at one time (maybe still does) carried the warning "DO NOT USE TO MAKE LEMONADE."  I am not making that one up.  I read it myself.

Richard Gozinya, Harold Snatch and Wilbur Jizz. Together we are the law firm Gozinya, Snatch and Jizz.
Mal Shot First
Location:
Posts: 3180
Posted: 9 years 48 weeks ago

Most companies would have left good enough alone and made their product merely lemon-scented, but nooOOOOoooo, these fuckwads had to add lemon flavor to it.

Quasar
Location:
Posts: 7588
Posted: 9 years 48 weeks ago

What's worse is that after lemon-scented detergent came out, lemonade had to put a warning on their package "Do not use to wash dishes."

Faster and faster, a nightmare we ride. Who'll take the reins when the miracle dies? Faster and faster till everything dies. Killing is our way of keeping alive. - Virgin Steele, Blood and Gasoline
Daltons chin dimple
Location:
Posts: 12800
Posted: 9 years 48 weeks ago

My favourite is still "Warning: May Contain Nuts" on a packet of peanuts.

See what I mean?  The laws of evolution and natural selection dictate and demand that to move forwards as a species, in suitable numbers to ensure survival but not so many that we exhaust our resources and further upset the balance, we must leave behind those that need these warnings.

....says "Kill Bond, NOW!"
Mal Shot First
Location:
Posts: 3180
Posted: 9 years 48 weeks ago

The laws of nature also dictate that only the strongest and healthiest of us survive.

Daltons chin dimple
Location:
Posts: 12800
Posted: 9 years 48 weeks ago

Right.   OK.....  well, it was nice knowing you guys, 'cos that's me f**ked!

....says "Kill Bond, NOW!"
Jack S. Pharaoh
Location:
Posts: 2231
Posted: 9 years 47 weeks ago

In the interest that nothing I like should ever be forgotten, I'm posting this classic study by Dr. Oxford comparing the SW, LOTR and Matrix live action movie series.  Most net people who are interested in this type of thing have read it.  I've read it several times.  I've probably read it enough that it's lost its ability to make me convulse and drip snot.

*Jack cries*

Jakester
Location:
Posts: 5753
Posted: 9 years 47 weeks ago

You said "Dick" "tate."  hehe.  "dick."

Richard Gozinya, Harold Snatch and Wilbur Jizz. Together we are the law firm Gozinya, Snatch and Jizz.
Quasar
Location:
Posts: 7588
Posted: 9 years 47 weeks ago

Every time I read an article online, I love checking out the comments posted below. It's a good reminder of how many morons are running around the world today!

Faster and faster, a nightmare we ride. Who'll take the reins when the miracle dies? Faster and faster till everything dies. Killing is our way of keeping alive. - Virgin Steele, Blood and Gasoline
The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 9 years 46 weeks ago

I came very close to posting yet another response to a Facebook user with whom I am not a friend.  This time, I had the presence of mind to look and see that my Facebook friend had posted a response to this person's update.  

Facebook was more than willing to let me comment on a friend-of-a-friend's journal, it seems.  I'm glad I caught myself, but I'm bummed that I worked on a response I will no longer be posting.

Quasar
Location:
Posts: 7588
Posted: 9 years 46 weeks ago

You should make a Facebook alter ego, friend yourself, then post on the friend-of-a-friend's page as a friend-of-a-friend-of-a-friend. That way you can do it anonymously. But if anyone clicks on said alter ego, they'll see that he/she only has one friend, and then they may get suspicious.

Faster and faster, a nightmare we ride. Who'll take the reins when the miracle dies? Faster and faster till everything dies. Killing is our way of keeping alive. - Virgin Steele, Blood and Gasoline
Jakester
Location:
Posts: 5753
Posted: 9 years 46 weeks ago

I was going to ask how it is possible that Goiter likes the Harry Potter movies more than the books.  I reconsidered as I feared the answer would break the internet.

Richard Gozinya, Harold Snatch and Wilbur Jizz. Together we are the law firm Gozinya, Snatch and Jizz.
The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 9 years 46 weeks ago

I talked about this in depth at Excelsior. I thought I might have done the same here, but I guess I haven't.

In brief, I'm more tolerant of heavy-handed and cliched filmmaking than I am of heavy-handed and cliched writing.

When Harry gets into his teen years, the moodiness and moping is incessant, and, since we're more or less locked inside his mind, we have to weather it. The movies give us more of a breather in this regard.

The point constantly made: all teenagers are supposedly like this, and Rowling accurately captures what all teenagers are supposedly like. I guess. I really don't enjoy reading about how Ron and Harry and Hermione are all being pissy with one another for four hundred pages, though. Similarly, I really don't enjoy being held captive in Bella Swan's brain for hundreds of pages while she goes on and on about how she's a plain-looking klutz unworthy of Edward's affection.

The golly-gee-gosh-wizz-ness of Harry's introduction to the wizarding world also gets way more taxing in the first couple books.

It also annoys me how ridiculously often Rowling reminds us of plot points--often from previous books, but sometimes from earlier the same book. She ends up retelling a lot of story I don't feel the need to be retold. Maybe she's right not to trust us to remember stuff. Maybe modern readers aren't very attentive. I don't know. She goes on and on in interviews about how her readers are smart, and how they surprise her by picking up on things (the things they pick up on, it turns out, are extremely ham-handed and obvious bits of symbolism), but then she doesn't seem to trust them enough just to tell her story. Instead, she gives us a sly wink and says, "Remember how there was this thing from earlier on that you probably forgot about? Well, here it is again. Surprise! It's all come 'round again!"

She could probably trim a good two hundred pages from each of the last four books without it hurting things too much. The movies do a lot of this trimming, and I appreciate them for that.

Here's an example of a sentence that stood out to me as both particularly irksome and representative of the frustrating quality of her writing:

"But Dumbledore, like Mad-Eye, like Sirius, like his parents, like his poor owl, all were gone where Harry could never talk to them again. He felt a burning in his throat that had nothing to do with firewhiskey. . . . " (I got this from a PDF of a transcription, so I apologize if there are any errors. I also apologize for not being able to direct you to exactly where to find it in the text.)

It always annoys me when people oversell something like this. (And she does a lot of overselling.) "He felt a burning in his throat!" "Well of course he did! He was drinking firewhiskey!" "But NO! It wasn't the firewhiskey! It was other stuff! Heavier stuff!" "Ah. I see." "No you don't. It was all that stuff he was worrying about that made his throat burn!" "I said I got it!" "I don't think you did! I still don't!" (I oversold my point in honor of her overselling hers.)

She writes action well. It's the rest of it she needs to work on. (Or not. She seems to be doing well enough on her own, I guess. Just because her writing annoys me doesn't mean I'm "right" to be annoyed.) I think she could benefit from heavier editing. It seemed to me that her publisher became increasingly reluctant to suggest edits the bigger the books got.

Quasar
Location:
Posts: 7588
Posted: 9 years 46 weeks ago

The best sentence I have ever read in a fantasy novel comes from Terry Goodkind's "Wizard's First Rule".

Richard had just come back to town with this Confessor lady he'd just run into. Richard's brother greets her, then grasps her and shoves his groin into hers. Startled, Richard shouts for his brother to stop. And then we got the gem of all gems:

"Richard stood there tense, muscles hard, ready to disregard the feeling."

Obviously the feeling Richard is ready to disregard is titillation of being on the verge of a threesome with his brother.

Faster and faster, a nightmare we ride. Who'll take the reins when the miracle dies? Faster and faster till everything dies. Killing is our way of keeping alive. - Virgin Steele, Blood and Gasoline
Jakester
Location:
Posts: 5753
Posted: 9 years 46 weeks ago

I forgave the retelling of the earlier books as they were meant for younger readers who might need reminding.  Yes, one could simply do the obvious thing and re-read the previous book(s). 

Teen angst did rather annoy me at the beginning of Order of the Phoenix, and in Deathly Hallows.  Although, with Hallows, I think it was meant to be the influence of the Horcrux, as it was Ron who was being a complete tosser).  Nevertheless, it was tedious.

In the movies, Emma Watson acts with her eyebrows. 

Richard Gozinya, Harold Snatch and Wilbur Jizz. Together we are the law firm Gozinya, Snatch and Jizz.
The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 9 years 46 weeks ago

That's good stuff, Quasar.

* * *

Jakester:

She claimed time and again that it was a "graduated reader," and that the older Harry got, the older the intended audience was supposed to be. If that was truly the case, then she dropped the ball on helping her readers graduate.

Maybe she acknowledged at some point that interest in the books expanded beyond the audience she claimed was the intended audience. I'm not sure. She'd almost have to.

Of course, it's bullshit. Kids read these books five times in a row, and forty-year-old house wives read them right alongside the kids. I don't think the intended audience has as much trouble with her SuperAmazinglyDenseandInterwoven plotting as her constant plot point repetition would indicate.

She seems a little smug in interviews, and acts as though she's done some very clever, unexpected things in the Harry Potter books. She also seems quite proud of how brilliantly connected it all is. While my perception of her smugness annoys me greatly, I try to separate myself from this annoyance when evaluating the books. It doesn't work all that well.

My impression when reading her revelation that Dumbledore is gay was that she gave a knowing smirk to her audience that was meant to say, "Yep. Didn't see that one coming, did you!? Chew on that one for a while, My Peeps. Welcome, Children, to this wonderful world of subverted expectations and openmindedness to which I have granted first passage!"

It's probably just me, though. Once I'm rubbed the wrong way, it's damned hard for a person to rub me the right way.

* * *

Emma Watson also acts with constant head-nodding. Insecure actors nod their heads a lot. Some directors catch it and stop it. A lot of them don't. I think these actors must think we'll be more likely to follow them on their acting journey if we see their clear visual sign of affirmation.

Jakester
Location:
Posts: 5753
Posted: 9 years 46 weeks ago

I wish she'd act by jiggling her boobs.

I guess I need to re-read the books because I don't recall that much repetition in the later books.  Maybe you should publish an unauthorised edited version of them all.

Get on it now.  I'll expect the .pdfs by next week.

Richard Gozinya, Harold Snatch and Wilbur Jizz. Together we are the law firm Gozinya, Snatch and Jizz.
Quasar
Location:
Posts: 7588
Posted: 9 years 46 weeks ago

Don't open that can of worms!!!!!!!!!!!!

Faster and faster, a nightmare we ride. Who'll take the reins when the miracle dies? Faster and faster till everything dies. Killing is our way of keeping alive. - Virgin Steele, Blood and Gasoline
The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 9 years 46 weeks ago

The seventh book is definitely better about avoiding repetition than the three that preceded it.

Adam54
Location:
Posts: 2082
Posted: 9 years 46 weeks ago

 I'm in my third semester of Swedish language class at my university. (The University which provided us with Dr. Magic, mind you.) 

Last Friday, there were two Swedish au pairs visiting. 

For those who need a reference point, the former Mrs. Tiger Woods was once a Swedish au pair. Or perhaps she was just a nanny. Tomato/Tomahto. 

Anyway, one was blonde, one was brunette. One was nineteen, the other was twenty-one. They both shared a chair in front of me. 

We all had to go around the room and ask them questions in Swedish. After much stuttering I managed to ask what their favorite TV show was as it was all that could come to mind. 

Our teacher informed us today that in the spring semester, they will be regular Friday guests in class, both so that they can make some friends, and we can learn more about Swedish culture. 

My only goal in life is to become fluent in Swedish by then. I love college. 

omicron
Location:
Posts: 1238
Posted: 9 years 46 weeks ago

Bill Simmons will be in Dallas next weekend for a book signing.  Trying to decide if I should go meet him.  I really don't care about his NBA book but it might be interesting to meet someone who I listen to on podcasts weekly.

We were watching Al-Quaeda, and all this time our security services should have been keeping watch on Jakester's throbbing nutsack!-Dalton's chin dimple
Jakester
Location:
Posts: 5753
Posted: 9 years 46 weeks ago

Sue-Ellen, you'd be better served by becoming fluent in cunnilingus.

Richard Gozinya, Harold Snatch and Wilbur Jizz. Together we are the law firm Gozinya, Snatch and Jizz.
Jakester
Location:
Posts: 5753
Posted: 9 years 46 weeks ago

I'm somewhat drunk.  I'm waiting on Kah to tell me which Irish whiskey to drink -- Bushmills, or Jameson 12-year.  Also, it'd be nice if she linked me to some youporn videos.

Richard Gozinya, Harold Snatch and Wilbur Jizz. Together we are the law firm Gozinya, Snatch and Jizz.