Movies: 1123
Comments: 67721
Members: 719
Online: 0 Guests: 22
  • warning: Attempt to modify property of non-object in /home/corona/public_html/modules/date/includes/date_plugin_display_attachment.inc on line 24.
  • warning: Attempt to modify property of non-object in /home/corona/public_html/modules/date/includes/date_plugin_display_attachment.inc on line 25.
  • warning: Attempt to modify property of non-object in /home/corona/public_html/modules/date/includes/date_plugin_display_attachment.inc on line 26.
  • warning: Attempt to modify property of non-object in /home/corona/public_html/modules/date/includes/date_plugin_display_attachment.inc on line 28.
  • warning: Attempt to modify property of non-object in /home/corona/public_html/modules/date/includes/date_plugin_display_attachment.inc on line 29.
  • warning: Attempt to modify property of non-object in /home/corona/public_html/modules/date/includes/date_plugin_display_attachment.inc on line 30.
  • warning: Attempt to modify property of non-object in /home/corona/public_html/modules/date/includes/date_plugin_display_attachment.inc on line 31.

Random V

Posted by Mal Shot First on Monday, August 1, 2011

So the "What are you watching right now?" threads get sequels as soon as they hit three pages, but Random IV goes on for 22 and nobody even moves a muscle to create a new thread. Are we afraid of Random V?

Daltons chin dimple
Location:
Posts: 12800
Posted: 2 years 47 weeks ago

Don't encourage him KV, for the love of God!!!

....says "Kill Bond, NOW!"
Jakester
Location:
Posts: 5753
Posted: 2 years 47 weeks ago

Jack made me laugh.

Richard Gozinya, Harold Snatch and Wilbur Jizz. Together we are the law firm Gozinya, Snatch and Jizz.
The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 2 years 47 weeks ago

Jack made me laugh, too. Jack's a funny man. That's why it disappoints me so much when he says something unfunny.

It also disappoints me when Quasar ends any given day with a funnier day of posting than Jack. Jack's supposed to be the funny one. Quit droppin' the ball, Jack. The only two you were supposed to drop got dropped a long time ago.

Mal Shot First
Location:
Posts: 3180
Posted: 2 years 47 weeks ago

The Swollen Goi... wrote:

I would said all that in a single post, but I decided to break it up into multiples. You know, for Mal.

Breaking it up into smaller chunks didn't help that much, Goits, but thanks for thinking of me. I started reading the first in the string of your four posts, but by the time I was done with it, it was already lunchtime, so I took a break with the justification that my meal would give me enough strength to finish reading the rest of what you had written. It was an arduous task, but in the end I was actually able to read the posts pretty quickly, if I may say so myself, taking only about three hours total.

Then I saw Jack's wall of text and immediately sank back into my chair. Fortunately, his second post was mostly composed of quotes and recycled material, so I was able to skim it in slightly less than an hour.

The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 2 years 47 weeks ago

You must be as slow a writer as you are a reader, Malio Andretti. I added a "have" to that post five minutes before you posted the "have"-less quote of the original text.

Jakester
Location:
Posts: 5753
Posted: 2 years 47 weeks ago

"Malio Andretti." Damn, you are on a roll, Goiter. I think that's two posts of yours I've found funny.

Richard Gozinya, Harold Snatch and Wilbur Jizz. Together we are the law firm Gozinya, Snatch and Jizz.
The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 2 years 46 weeks ago

It's funny because Mario Andretti is fast.

The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 2 years 46 weeks ago

(I'm guessing I just ended the streak.)

Daltons chin dimple
Location:
Posts: 12800
Posted: 2 years 46 weeks ago

Yup.

....says "Kill Bond, NOW!"
Quasar
Location:
Posts: 7587
Posted: 2 years 46 weeks ago

Back to dropping balls, Goits.

Faster and faster, a nightmare we ride. Who'll take the reins when the miracle dies? Faster and faster till everything dies. Killing is our way of keeping alive. - Virgin Steele, Blood and Gasoline
The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 2 years 46 weeks ago

"This is the happiest day of my life! I think my testicles are dropping!"

The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 2 years 46 weeks ago

I Googled that to make sure I wasn't misquoting Dirty Rotten Scoundrels. When I got to the end of "this is the happiest day of my life," though, Google's first suggestion was "this is the happiest day of my life lies man holding baby." I was pretty disturbed that that was the top suggestion until I saw that it was the title of an Onion article.

Jack S. Pharaoh
Location:
Posts: 2231
Posted: 2 years 46 weeks ago

I looked up the article about the lying man holding the baby, even though I think I might've read it before. Whenever I read an The Onion article at their website, I can't help but look at and click on some of their links to other articles. As an erstwhile fan of Arby's, I couldn't resist this headline: 'Arby's Now Charging $2.99 To Let Customers Go Behind Counter, Grab Handfuls Of Roast Beef'. That made me laugh so hard I cried. It's one of those where they didn't even need to write an article, they could've just put up the headline, and in truth the article isn't nearly as funny as the headline, though I enjoyed parts.

The Onion wrote:

"Letting people sprint around the counter and take as much roast beef as they are physically able to pick up was really the next logical step in our business model," CEO Hala Moddelmog said. "We've found most Arby's customers would rather not hassle with vegetables, buns, or trays. They just want beef, and they want it fast, fresh, and wadded up in their mouths.

Meal Deal participants reportedly will be required to keep their pockets turned inside out at all times, and won't be allowed to carry items that could be used to hoard extra meat, such as hats, cargo pants, or pocketbooks. Patrons will also be barred from tucking in their shirts and dumping roast beef down their collars, which the company acknowledged had been a recurring problem in its Dallas and Memphis test markets.

Additionally, officials emphasized that customers may not pick up beef that spills onto the floor, as any such droppings remain the property of Arby's and will be promptly returned to the meat pile.

Mal Shot First
Location:
Posts: 3180
Posted: 2 years 46 weeks ago

The Swollen Goi... wrote:

You must be as slow a writer as you are a reader, Malio Andretti. I added a "have" to that post five minutes before you posted the "have"-less quote of the original text.

You're just mad because I've immortalized your incompetence.

The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 2 years 46 weeks ago

That's a beautiful headline. Unfortunately, I can only read the parts you post. The Onion tells me I have "arrived at [my] 30-day allowance of 5 free premium pages from America's Finest News Source."

They go on to tell me I can pay $2.95 for a month's worth of access or $29.95 for a year's worth of access. When did that happen? Is it because I'm in Germany, or is it happening for everybody?

The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 2 years 46 weeks ago

Update:

I managed to Ctrl-A and Ctrl-C all the text on the page before the quota pop-up covered it up, but now I feel like I'm stealing from them.

I only like to steal books, audiobooks, movies, TV shows, music, and comedy albums. I don't wanna steal fake news articles.

Jack S. Pharaoh
Location:
Posts: 2231
Posted: 2 years 46 weeks ago

I don't go to The Onion often enough to know, but I know some other sites like Variety (and the New York Times, I think) have similar setups, so it's probably something The Onion has also decided to adopt.  I'll go ahead and read some more article and see if I reach a limit.

ETA: I've clicked on a few articles, and they are not blocking me from reading any of them.  Looks like the list of bad things about moving to Germany was just extended by one.

Quasar
Location:
Posts: 7587
Posted: 2 years 46 weeks ago

Goits appreciates your tremendous sacrifice.

Faster and faster, a nightmare we ride. Who'll take the reins when the miracle dies? Faster and faster till everything dies. Killing is our way of keeping alive. - Virgin Steele, Blood and Gasoline
atrejub
Location:
Posts: 739
Posted: 2 years 46 weeks ago

Thanks for visiting theonion.com.

You have arrived at your 30-day allowance of 5 free premium pages from America's Finest News Source. If you enjoy our probing and analytical journalism and want full access, we ask that you support our hardworking reporters by purchasing a subscription for as low as $2.95/ month or $29.95/ year.

As an online subscriber you will have full access to all of The Onion's unique and comprehensive coverage of local and international affairs. To join, sign up below through Press+ and be forever connected to endless pages of award-winning content.

We appreciate your continued support.

Here's what we're seeing. It does mention "premium" articles, Jack, so maybe the few articles you clicked on weren't "premium" enough.

Jack S. Pharaoh
Location:
Posts: 2231
Posted: 2 years 46 weeks ago

I guess this is an extended version of the Broderick SB commercial. No Cameron. :(

The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 2 years 46 weeks ago

Hockey jersey sort of counts, right?

Ruck's probably glad he didn't take part.

Drakemd
Location:
Posts: 1905
Posted: 2 years 46 weeks ago

I think that add would have worked better if they had brought back some of the original actors.  How funny would it have been to see Ben Stein as the bellhop?  His career has gone so poorly that he is now a bellhop saying, "Broderick, Broderick".

Or to have Jennifer Grey as his co-star in whatever project he was calling in sick for trying to catch him in a lie to prove to the director that he is faking.  I realize that may take longer in a 2 minute commercial, but we all would have gotten the reference if they spent 5-10 seconds on it.

And how can you have a Ferris flashback commercial without Rooney?  Do we have to start writing this stuff for them?
 

I enjoyed the Seinfeld Acura commercial more because they had some of his characters in it like the Soup Nazi.  <SPOILER>I think the ending would have been better with Wayne Knight instead of Jay Leno.<END SPOILER>

Turn your head and cough!
Jakester
Location:
Posts: 5753
Posted: 2 years 46 weeks ago

Ben Stein is insane.

Richard Gozinya, Harold Snatch and Wilbur Jizz. Together we are the law firm Gozinya, Snatch and Jizz.
omicron
Location:
Posts: 1238
Posted: 2 years 46 weeks ago

Drakemd wrote:

IAnd how can you have a Ferris flashback commercial without Rooney?  Do we have to start writing this stuff for them?

Considering Jeffrey Jones got busted for child porn back in 2003, I imagine they would be a little leery of using him again :)

We were watching Al-Quaeda, and all this time our security services should have been keeping watch on Jakester's throbbing nutsack!-Dalton's chin dimple
Drakemd
Location:
Posts: 1905
Posted: 2 years 46 weeks ago

omicron wrote:

Considering Jeffrey Jones got busted for child porn back in 2003, I imagine they would be a little leery of using him again :)

I thought Hollywood overlooked all crimes. OK, fair enough, no Jeffrey Jones. Was Alan Ruck not available? I just feel that it was a poor attempt at a Ferris Bueller commercial with only using Broderick. If you couldn't get anyone else but him, then the whole idea should have been scrapped.

Turn your head and cough!