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Random

Posted by kah on Thursday, May 7, 2009

I don't get to watch many cartoons outside of Spongebob, Flapjack, and Phineas and Ferb, but every once in a while, I get to see Batman: The Brave and the Bold. Holy crap is it HILARIOUS!

The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 10 years 47 weeks ago

Quasar wrote:

Goiter, weren't you requesting pictures of dudes from Ulic back at Excelsior?????(That's a rhetorical question, B(eau)T(homas)W(atkins))

I was.

I was only doing it because it was funny.

No, really. It *was* funny. So were the pictures of the prepubescent Portman I kept working into the the Natalie Portman thread. I thought he just wanted as many pictures of her in one place as he could fit. My favorite was the Amidala blow-up chair.

Ogling over pictures has never been my thing. Guys, girls... I get no thrill looking at static shots.

Daltons chin dimple
Location:
Posts: 12800
Posted: 10 years 47 weeks ago

Once you had seen a p0rn movie, the magazines were never going to be able to scratch that particular itch effectively ever again.

....says "Kill Bond, NOW!"
The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 10 years 47 weeks ago

I've been watching porn since I was ten. My second stepfather gave me his stash because my mother told him to throw it out. I hid the tapes in one of the boxes normally designated for storing comics, and I would produce one of the tapes for him whenever she was away and he felt like watching some porn.

I was his porn librarian, essentially.

Daltons chin dimple
Location:
Posts: 12800
Posted: 10 years 47 weeks ago

Did you impose fines for overdue returns?

And what time is it where you are?

....says "Kill Bond, NOW!"
The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 10 years 47 weeks ago

I did not impose fines. Rule No. 1 of being a ten-year-old holding on to your second stepfather's porn stash: don't piss off your second stepfather, for there are many other places he can hide his porn stash. Be grateful. At least until you've made copies of all the tapes.

I eventually made copies. I recorded porn over Mighty Orbots. Who's going to watch the Mighty Orbots, anyway?

It's three in the ante meridiem here. It should be nine where you are, right?

Daltons chin dimple
Location:
Posts: 12800
Posted: 10 years 47 weeks ago

9:10am on a glorious Thursday morning and the last day in the office until the 4 day Easter break.

New Ashes to Ashes on Friday, new Dr Who on Saturday, a Grand Prix, 2 top of the table FA Premiership matches, Kick Ass and Clash of the Titans are out in theatres, the sun is shining and tonight I am meeting up with a huge group of mates for a night on the beers.

Good times!

You?

....says "Kill Bond, NOW!"
Jack S. Pharaoh
Location:
Posts: 2231
Posted: 10 years 47 weeks ago

The Swollen Goi... wrote:

I eventually made copies. I recorded porn over Mighty Orbots. Who's going to watch the Mighty Orbots, anyway?

It amuses me to think of Thursty being happy to preside over his stepfather's porn stash. It amuses me to think of Thursty doing, or especially enjoying, anything that I would think of as something a relatively normal person would do and enjoy. I imagine Thursty watching the porn with indifference. I also can't help but imagine that it was really crappy porn.

Daltons chin dimple
Location:
Posts: 12800
Posted: 10 years 47 weeks ago

I imagine him critiquing it with disdain.

....says "Kill Bond, NOW!"
HI MY NAME IS GUS
Location:
Posts: 357
Posted: 10 years 47 weeks ago

Kritik der pornographischen Vernunft

Think of me as a megaphone directed at God's eardrum, my child.
Daltons chin dimple
Location:
Posts: 12800
Posted: 10 years 47 weeks ago

Ich finde ihr gesicht nicht überzeugend orgasmus.

....says "Kill Bond, NOW!"
Quasar
Location:
Posts: 7588
Posted: 10 years 47 weeks ago

The Swollen Goi... wrote:

for there are many other places he can hid his porn stash.

It's HIDE, Goiter. Man, you're just giving them to me now hand over fist! Or is this some elaborate April Fool's joke??????????

Faster and faster, a nightmare we ride. Who'll take the reins when the miracle dies? Faster and faster till everything dies. Killing is our way of keeping alive. - Virgin Steele, Blood and Gasoline
Jack S. Pharaoh
Location:
Posts: 2231
Posted: 10 years 47 weeks ago

It's time to do away with pretense: he's only the swollen goiter of a MAN.

Jakester
Location:
Posts: 5753
Posted: 10 years 47 weeks ago

asdg35qyhuup9[0ujm89423q===0 g6=

Richard Gozinya, Harold Snatch and Wilbur Jizz. Together we are the law firm Gozinya, Snatch and Jizz.
The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 10 years 47 weeks ago

What about me, Dalty? I have plans, I guess. I have writing to do. I'm going to a baby shower. (They'd better use "no tears" soap, or . . . there will be tears.) I'm going to Six Flags more than once. I'm going to have a steak on Friday night, and I'll probably see four or five movies.

Changed "hid" to "hide." Sleep would do me good.

The main reason having access to a hardcore porn stash was a thing of significance to me was that it made me something of a legend among my fellow classmates. Without meaning to, I tarnished the legend of Sean Stevens, who could only access scrambled softcore via his parents' satellite. Kids would want to come over to my house to expose me as a fraud, even though having the hardcore porn stash was never something I advertised. (Well, I told one person. Pretty soon, every kid I knew seemed to know.) They'd come over, and they'd say, "Let's see these supposed pornos." And out would come The Mighty Orbots.

The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 10 years 47 weeks ago

HI MY NAME IS GUS wrote:

Kritik der pornographischen Vernunft

Pornographisches, Allzupornographisches.

Jack S. Pharaoh
Location:
Posts: 2231
Posted: 10 years 47 weeks ago

The Swollen Goi... wrote:

They'd come over, and they'd say, "Let's see these supposed pornos." And out would come The Mighty Orbots.

So, every day kids who'd never hung out with you before would come over to watch 'Orbots' in your room with the door closed, and your mother was none the wiser. It's the perfect lie.

Quasar
Location:
Posts: 7588
Posted: 10 years 47 weeks ago

Was this also the start of the Neverland rumors?

Faster and faster, a nightmare we ride. Who'll take the reins when the miracle dies? Faster and faster till everything dies. Killing is our way of keeping alive. - Virgin Steele, Blood and Gasoline
Daltons chin dimple
Location:
Posts: 12800
Posted: 10 years 47 weeks ago

I threw out my legendary porn collection when my then wife moved in to my place. What a schoolboy error!!!!!

....says "Kill Bond, NOW!"
The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 10 years 47 weeks ago

I'm keeping my porn whether I marry or not. I got an e-mail forward saying the Internet was doing away with porn, so I want to make sure I always have some on hand.

Jack S. Pharaoh
Location:
Posts: 2231
Posted: 10 years 47 weeks ago

I think getting rid of one's porn would be an early sign that a marriage isn't going to last. The first sign? Getting married. Of course, why would it matter if a marriage lasted? And what does it mean to say it lasted, anyway? It lasted some length of time. It wasn't going to last forever! It always kind of gets on my nerves when people in the entertainment media (or any media, I suppose) talk about someone's "failed" relationship(s). Why are they failed? How do these media people know what the measure of accoplishment is for any relationship? Apparently the only socially acceptable way to end a relationship is in death. Personally, I'd count myself lucky to get out alive.

Mal Shot First
Location:
Posts: 3180
Posted: 10 years 47 weeks ago

The Swollen Goi... wrote:

..., for there are many other places he can hide his porn stash.

I'm not sure I want to know where your second stepfather buried his porn 'stache.

HI MY NAME IS GUS
Location:
Posts: 357
Posted: 10 years 47 weeks ago

Mal Shot First wrote:

I'm not sure I want to know where your second stepfather buried his porn 'stache.

I am simultaneously delighted and repulsed by this punnage.

Think of me as a megaphone directed at God's eardrum, my child.
Jakester
Location:
Posts: 5753
Posted: 10 years 47 weeks ago

The internet is getting rid of porn?! NOOOOOOOOO!

Richard Gozinya, Harold Snatch and Wilbur Jizz. Together we are the law firm Gozinya, Snatch and Jizz.
Jack S. Pharaoh
Location:
Posts: 2231
Posted: 10 years 47 weeks ago

I, too, must applaud the porn 'stache pun. It's not every day a pun makes me boil with rage over the possibility of me having thought of it first. I could have been the king of porn 'stache jokes, and instead I am nothing.

Quasar
Location:
Posts: 7588
Posted: 10 years 47 weeks ago

I was going to follow up on the 'stache comment, but it just felt cheap following in the wake of Mal's brilliance.

If that doesn't get a post of the day award, I saw we < New Awesome Slogan >DO AWAY WITH THE POST OF THE DAY!<\New Awesome Slogan>

Faster and faster, a nightmare we ride. Who'll take the reins when the miracle dies? Faster and faster till everything dies. Killing is our way of keeping alive. - Virgin Steele, Blood and Gasoline