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Random

Posted by kah on Thursday, May 7, 2009

I don't get to watch many cartoons outside of Spongebob, Flapjack, and Phineas and Ferb, but every once in a while, I get to see Batman: The Brave and the Bold. Holy crap is it HILARIOUS!

Adam54
Location:
Posts: 2082
Posted: 10 years 44 weeks ago

Current dilemma:

I updated my facebook status last night with this:

"Adam is overstressed, overworked, overtired, oversingle, overcrabby, underemployed and pretty much flat broke. But I'm pretty sure all that would change if I grew a goatee. Just sayin'."

Yeah. Not my finest work. But not the point of this. Upon seeing the word "oversingle" this girl I slept with once but have no interest in dating sent me the following message:

"Subject: Oversingle?

The man who never, ever wants to be dating anyone is classifying himself as "oversingle"? Please tell me that that's either a joke or a polite way of saying "undersexed". If not, the world may be ending."

Now, she thinks that I never ever want to be dating anyone because I'm too polite to just say "No, honey, I just never ever want to be dating you."

Here's the dilemma:

I see two viable responses to her message:

1. "No, you misunderstood. I just never ever want to date you. You try way way WAY too hard to make me love you, and that's completely unappealing. Sorry."

OR

2. "Uh, yeah! Undersexed! Wanna fuck again?"

Which do I pick?

Mal Shot First
Location:
Posts: 3180
Posted: 10 years 44 weeks ago

"No, you misunderstood. I just never ever want to date you. You try way way WAY too hard to make me love you, and that's completely unappealing. Sorry. That said, I wouldn't mind having meaningless sex again."

Problem solved.

The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 10 years 44 weeks ago

How about, "No! I meant I'm over being single. I'm ready to commit, Baby! You game?"

Then you hold the Enter key down for five seconds, and type "SIKE!!!" at the bottom of the message.

Actually, I'm not sure there are that many non-douche responses you could give her. I suppose you could reply with some polite variation on "I don't think you're right for me."

HI MY NAME IS GUS
Location:
Posts: 357
Posted: 10 years 44 weeks ago

Three words: I. Am. Gay.

Think of me as a megaphone directed at God's eardrum, my child.
The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 10 years 44 weeks ago

"Was recently killed. Ask friends for details. Facebook profile being updated with Adam-like posts to honor memory. Also, never ride the subway again. If you do, disregard that guy who looks like Adam. He is not Adam."

Jakester
Location:
Posts: 5753
Posted: 10 years 44 weeks ago

Oh, Sue Ellen. You poor child.
Tell her up front that all you want is to get your nut, not a relationship. Of course, she'll bang you for a while, expecting that you'll come around. Then she'll get all pissed when you throw her to the curb. There will be bunnies on the boil. So yeah....just fuck her.

Richard Gozinya, Harold Snatch and Wilbur Jizz. Together we are the law firm Gozinya, Snatch and Jizz.
Adam54
Location:
Posts: 2082
Posted: 10 years 44 weeks ago

Funny you should mention bunnies.

She had one hopping around her apartment while we were going at it on her couch. Kind of (incredibly) freaked me out.

And frankly the sex wasn't that good, but I've hit a dry spell damn it.

Jakester
Location:
Posts: 5753
Posted: 10 years 44 weeks ago

Dry spell? Try getting married.

Richard Gozinya, Harold Snatch and Wilbur Jizz. Together we are the law firm Gozinya, Snatch and Jizz.
The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 10 years 44 weeks ago

I like it dry.

Jakester
Location:
Posts: 5753
Posted: 10 years 44 weeks ago

That thing she does with her hands...Wow.

Richard Gozinya, Harold Snatch and Wilbur Jizz. Together we are the law firm Gozinya, Snatch and Jizz.
kah
Location:
Posts: 862
Posted: 10 years 44 weeks ago

Ignore her completely. No use negotiating with crazy. You can get random decent sex picking up a girl in a bar, who btw doesn't have to know your last name or your phone number. Take her to a motel or her place so when you're done, you can leave and she doesn't know where you live.

"Do me harder Jakester, you big stud!"
Adam54
Location:
Posts: 2082
Posted: 10 years 44 weeks ago

We think alike. At some point I'm going to need to tell her off, but this seems better off ignored. Hopefully she'll take a hint for once in her life.

The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 10 years 44 weeks ago

I've never tried to pick someone up at a bar. Not for me, I guess.

I don't really like going to them, to be honest. I'll meet friends there, but the only reason I ever go solo is to play Ms. Pac-Man.

atrejub
Location:
Posts: 739
Posted: 10 years 44 weeks ago

The Swollen Goi... wrote:

I've never tried to pick someone up at a bar. Not for me, I guess.I don't really like going to them, to be honest. I'll meet friends there, but the only reason I ever go solo is to play Ms. Pac-Man.

When Mr. Pac-Man finds out that you are meeting up with his woman in bars... well, you better hope you don't start flashing blue.

Mal Shot First
Location:
Posts: 3180
Posted: 10 years 44 weeks ago

kah wrote:

Ignore her completely. No use negotiating with crazy. You can get random decent sex picking up a girl in a bar, who btw doesn't have to know your last name or your phone number. Take her to a motel or her place so when you're done, you can leave and she doesn't know where you live.

kah assumes that all women are as loose as she.

Jack S. Pharaoh
Location:
Posts: 2231
Posted: 10 years 44 weeks ago

HI MY NAME IS GUS wrote:

Three words: I. Am. Gay.

The funny part is, GUS hasn't even read any of the recent posts, and will only later realize, when sober, that his own post was easily mistaken for part of the ongoing conversation.

HI MY NAME IS GUS
Location:
Posts: 357
Posted: 10 years 44 weeks ago

What posts with what now?

Think of me as a megaphone directed at God's eardrum, my child.
Jakester
Location:
Posts: 5753
Posted: 10 years 44 weeks ago

Kah is just user friendly, Mal.

Richard Gozinya, Harold Snatch and Wilbur Jizz. Together we are the law firm Gozinya, Snatch and Jizz.
Adam54
Location:
Posts: 2082
Posted: 10 years 44 weeks ago

Unrelatedly, I refuse to move to Random II. This thread is plenty user-friendly.

And I don't want the last page of it to be about my problems with a girl and her pet rabbit.

Mal Shot First
Location:
Posts: 3180
Posted: 10 years 44 weeks ago

Random II is too depressing.

atrejub
Location:
Posts: 739
Posted: 10 years 44 weeks ago

Dammit, Mal. Close your tags!

(Seems to be fixed now. I'll go back to my corner.)

Mal Shot First
Location:
Posts: 3180
Posted: 10 years 44 weeks ago

Things don't work the way I want them to work.

The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 10 years 44 weeks ago

There's enough room in my heart for both "Random" and "Random II."

The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 10 years 44 weeks ago

Damn it, Mal Shot First. You've code hijacked page 33!

Actually, it is sort of nice to have a font I can read from twenty feet away.

Daltons chin dimple
Location:
Posts: 12800
Posted: 10 years 44 weeks ago

This has now turned into a thread for the vision impaired.

Seriously, Adam, I fail to see your problem. You are single, you are in a dry patch, and a woman is completely, totally and utterly giving you the green light.

Why are you overcomplicating the issue when right now, frankly, you should be balls deep?

....says "Kill Bond, NOW!"