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The Swollen Goiter of God's Semi-Daily Post of the Day Award

Posted by The Swollen Goi... on Friday, April 24, 2009

Today's award goes to The Swollen Goiter of God, for the following gem (originally posted in The Only Good Performance Natalie Portman Has Turned in Since The Professional):

AHer only discernible talent is the talent to bring actual talent down to her particular level of talentlessness.

The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 12 years 25 weeks ago

Apparently, if you don't actually list a name after the quote tag, it puts an "A" in front of your quoted text, and you don't get to set the text in a quote box.

The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 12 years 25 weeks ago

Just tried it again. Same thing happened. Strange.

Ah, well. Stay tuned for future Semi-Daily Quotes of the Day, Fellow CAers!

mckracken
Location:
Posts: 965
Posted: 12 years 25 weeks ago

Ahey I like it goiter, you rule.
Aand remember to always quote your quotes in quotes, else they wont be quoted in a quote box.
Athis is why i rarely start new forum threads.

The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 12 years 23 weeks ago

Today's award goes to The Swollen Goiter of God, for the following gem (originally posted in New "Star Trek"):

The Swollen Goiter of God wrote:

(Responding to Space Tycoon's "Imagine if we were stuck with a movie that was not only dumb, but filled with an unacceptable cast. Where would you go from there?")

Attack of the Clones.

You're lobbing me softballs, Tyco.

KingVoyeur
Location:
Posts: 1601
Posted: 12 years 22 weeks ago

No one else is ever going to win, are they?

Honey bunches.....of death!
Daltons chin dimple
Location:
Posts: 12800
Posted: 12 years 22 weeks ago

Yeah, but that is part of the fun!

....says "Kill Bond, NOW!"
The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 12 years 22 weeks ago

KingVoyeur wrote:

No one else is ever going to win, are they?

Not as long as my posts are an obvious cut above. Work harder, CAers, and you, too, can be rewarded for posting excellence.

If Jack Sparrowhawk/Jack's Sorrow were here, he'd eventually make it on to the board.

Daltons chin dimple
Location:
Posts: 12800
Posted: 12 years 22 weeks ago

I like kittens. Do I win a prize?

....says "Kill Bond, NOW!"
Jakester
Location:
Posts: 5753
Posted: 12 years 22 weeks ago

Every post I make is crafted with love and care and an eye towards
with an eye towa

toward...

sorry...distracted by boobies.

Richard Gozinya, Harold Snatch and Wilbur Jizz. Together we are the law firm Gozinya, Snatch and Jizz.
The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 12 years 22 weeks ago

You know, if you'd do a little exercise, those would go away.

The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 12 years 22 weeks ago

Today's awards (a tie!) go to The Swollen Goiter of God and The Swollen Goiter of God, for the following gems (originally posted in Spec'd: Watchmen and Spec'd: Watchmen, respectively):

The Swollen Goiter of God wrote:

(Responding to Jakester's "I still contend that Snyder's main fault, if any, was trying too hard to stay faithful to the comic.")

You sure that was his main fault, and not that his enthusiasm was writing checks his talent couldn't cash?

* * *

The Swollen Goiter of God wrote:

I'm guessing this extended edition will piss off those fans who feel they were promised an extended cut with chunks of Black Freighter stippled about the fecal strip that was the feature film.

Bill_the_Only
Location:
Posts: 702
Posted: 12 years 22 weeks ago

These awards threads have become way too political.

They need some sexy/creepy added to them.

The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 12 years 22 weeks ago

Today's award goes to The Swollen Goiter of God, for the following gem (originally posted in Should I turn to the Blu side ?):

The Swollen Goiter of God wrote:

If you keep waving that Klingon Warbird Sony wants me to believe is a game controller in front of my face, I am going to turn your body into its personal cloaking device.

* * *

Awards aren't usually given out this early in the day, but exceptions are made for posts of such an obviously high caliber.

The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 11 years 33 weeks ago

Today's award goes to The Swollen Goiter of God, for the following gem (originally posted in Pain Beyond Measure):

The Swollen Goi... wrote:

(Responding to Jakester's comment highlighting the redundancy of Goiter's having said, "Apologies to the tongueless readers reading this.")

I was specifying only the tongueless readers who had read what I had written. All those tongueless readers out there whose eyes will never light on this page can go and eat bowlful of a vegan's caca. I refuse to apologize to people unless they have put themselves in a position to be offended by me.

That said, redundancy is what I do, Jakester. It surprises me that it took you ten years to notice.

Either that, or your frustration with my redundancy finally reached a head. Speaking of reaching a head, I just lightsped to the Dalty galaxy. I think I'm going to park myself in that small space station. Wait. That's no space station!

* * *

The Swollen Goi... wrote:

If Jack Sparrowhawk/Jack's Sorrow were here, he'd eventually make it on to the board.

Get crackin', Jack.

Quasar
Location:
Posts: 7588
Posted: 11 years 33 weeks ago

Who is the more foolish: The Fool who makes up the award, or the one who gives it to himself?

Faster and faster, a nightmare we ride. Who'll take the reins when the miracle dies? Faster and faster till everything dies. Killing is our way of keeping alive. - Virgin Steele, Blood and Gasoline
The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 11 years 33 weeks ago

I'd answer that, but it is clear to me that...

IT'S A TRAP!!!

* * *

I didn't create the awards to honor myself. I created them to award deserving CA posters for the day's best post.

Sometimes, the day's best post comes early in the day. If a better post comes along in the course of the day, I will rip the award from the hands of its winner and re-award it--unless, of course, the original recipient manages to best the post for which s/he won the award.

Quasar
Location:
Posts: 7588
Posted: 11 years 33 weeks ago

How about instead of giving you the award you made up yourself, we merely wish you a very merry unbirthday?

Faster and faster, a nightmare we ride. Who'll take the reins when the miracle dies? Faster and faster till everything dies. Killing is our way of keeping alive. - Virgin Steele, Blood and Gasoline
Daltons chin dimple
Location:
Posts: 12800
Posted: 11 years 33 weeks ago

Goiter wasn't born, he was hatched.

....says "Kill Bond, NOW!"
Quasar
Location:
Posts: 7588
Posted: 11 years 33 weeks ago

I bestow the brand new "Super Dooper Most Coveted Quasarmodo Ultra Uber Award for the Bestest Post of the Day" award to Quasar for this scathing post made earlier today:

"Who is the more foolish: The Fool who makes up the award, or the one who gives it to himself?"

Faster and faster, a nightmare we ride. Who'll take the reins when the miracle dies? Faster and faster till everything dies. Killing is our way of keeping alive. - Virgin Steele, Blood and Gasoline
The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 11 years 33 weeks ago

Today's honorable mention goes to Jack's Pharaoh, for responding to Jakester's "Two words: Dare Dorm" post in the Random thread with the following:

"Don't pre-count your words for me, Jake: I like to count the words my own self. You telling me in advance ruins the surprise. Why don't you just tell me that Bruce Willis is dead at the end of 'The Sixth Sense' while you're at it?"

Kudos to Jack for not appealing to the overused "Darth Vader is Luke Skywalker's father" spoiler, but un-kudos for bothering with a spoiler line at all. His post without that last line would have been hilarious. With the last line, it is merely very funny.

The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 11 years 33 weeks ago

Quasar wrote:

I bestow the brand new "Super Dooper Most Coveted Quasarmodo Ultra Uber Award for the Bestest Post of the Day" award to Quasar for this scathing post made earlier today: "Who is the more foolish: The Fool who makes up the award, or the one who gives it to himself?"

Give it a thread, Q. It's nothin' 'til it has its own thread.

Quasar
Location:
Posts: 7588
Posted: 11 years 33 weeks ago

Thanks, Goiter, but I make the rules for my Award!

Faster and faster, a nightmare we ride. Who'll take the reins when the miracle dies? Faster and faster till everything dies. Killing is our way of keeping alive. - Virgin Steele, Blood and Gasoline
The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 11 years 33 weeks ago

That's the spirit, Q.!

Jack S. Pharaoh
Location:
Posts: 2231
Posted: 11 years 33 weeks ago

The Swollen Goi... wrote:

Today's award goes to The Swollen Goiter of God, for the following gem (originally posted in Pain Beyond Measure):* * *Get crackin', Jack.

I am somewhat in disbelief that I have nearly fifty posts, and haven't made it already (I had this post in mind before I so surprisingly made it as an honorary mention, so I will proceed anyway). I think I used to put more effort into posting, used to mine the depths, searching for witticisms and cracks at people. I think that that, combined with my unwillingness at times to make them more aware that I meant no ill will, pissed people off occasionally. I think my stony reluctance to ever apologize for anything exacerbated that effect. I think that many other times I did mean ill will, and that didn't help either. I think I've become more detached as the years have worn on, and I don't respond to as many things that catch my ire as I used to, and this results in me getting into less fights, but also being less involved. I think Thursty has thrown down the gauntlet, and fired my pride. I also think that I don't rise to occasions. I think I don't want Thursty handing me any awards only because the situation has been brought to attention (too late!). I think Thursty is exactly the person who wouldn't give me an award on such pretext, might even be reluctant to and might not give me praise that he otherwise might've (wrong!). I think I want to earn my recognition, so, Thurston, you had better grade me harder than you would a rutted country road. I don't want no handouts!

Daltons chin dimple
Location:
Posts: 12800
Posted: 11 years 32 weeks ago

This entire forum has gone to a surreal place lately.

....says "Kill Bond, NOW!"