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Adam's Batshit Crazy Republican Presidential Candidates Roundup

Posted by Adam54 on Thursday, May 26, 2011

Edited: This goes well beyond Michelle Bachmann now. Aside from maybe Jon Huntsman, they're all just nuts. This is the place to keep track of them all!

Jakester
Location:
Posts: 5753
Posted: 9 years 47 weeks ago

What if it was revealed that Christine O'Donnell was, in fact, a witch?

Richard Gozinya, Harold Snatch and Wilbur Jizz. Together we are the law firm Gozinya, Snatch and Jizz.
The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 9 years 47 weeks ago

If terrorists blew up Delaware, I bet it would unify the fuck out of Americans.

Come on, Terrorists.  Delaware.  

Fucking Delaware.  It thinks it's so fucking great.

Jakester
Location:
Posts: 5753
Posted: 9 years 47 weeks ago

If they blew up Delaware, I'd have to take a different route to the Philly area.  It would take longer.  Besides, there is an Electric Ave. in Delaware.

 

Also, I'm getting annoying Bachmann for President ads now.  Fuck you, Adam!

Richard Gozinya, Harold Snatch and Wilbur Jizz. Together we are the law firm Gozinya, Snatch and Jizz.
The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 9 years 47 weeks ago

Like he fucked your Lolita?

Jack S. Pharaoh
Location:
Posts: 2231
Posted: 9 years 47 weeks ago

I can only hope against hope that Bachmann's running mate is named Turner.

Adam54
Location:
Posts: 2082
Posted: 9 years 47 weeks ago

 I almost met Jake one time, but got stuck in a diner in Philly with his Lolita and another crazypants for nearly 2 hours. Shockingly enough, it turned out that Washington D.C. has a traffic problem, and we were thus unable to meet in person during the only oppourtunity I've had to get out that way ever since. 

The moral of the story? 

1. Philly has amazing diners. 
2. Women are nuts. Generally. Not you Negs, you could smash my head in like a board.
3. If any Republican presidential candidate can deliver a specific plan to both fix the traffic problems in DC and also build a fleet of Philly style diners in Minnesota, I will vote for them. 

But still won't meet Jake. 

The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 9 years 47 weeks ago

Everybody goes on and on about Bachman and Turner, but almost no one acknowledges the many integral contributions of Overdrive.  

I remember when he was shot and killed in the studio back in 2002.  It was all like "Bachman and Turner DJ Murdered."  People didn't even know his name.

And where was he murdered?  In the studio.  Making beats.  Doing what he'd always done.  Working his ass off.

Daltons chin dimple
Location:
Posts: 12800
Posted: 9 years 47 weeks ago

Some of you have known me for years. Some of you must have known I used to be married, or some of you haven't been paying attention!

....says "Kill Bond, NOW!"
neglet
Location:
Posts: 1434
Posted: 9 years 47 weeks ago

Adam54 wrote:

The moral of the story?
2. Women are nuts. Generally. Not you Negs, you could smash my head in like a board.

a. I'm glad you recognize the potential danger I pose, although in real life I would go for the knees and nuts, not the head.
b. It's interesting that men always say that "all women" are crazy ... but I rarely hear them say that their moms are crazy. Obviously, your trouble is you're only looking at the younger women ... and them bitches are nuts.

The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 9 years 47 weeks ago

My mother wasn't crazy.  She was emotionally and physically abusive.

Jakester
Location:
Posts: 5753
Posted: 9 years 47 weeks ago

I love my mom but she's fairly wacky.  Here's an example.

When we were kids, my mom hated to go to the only mall (Tyson's Corner) in the area because she was always afraid she'd get lost driving there.  She was very happy when another mall (Fair Oaks) opened up.  Here are directions from the main road where we grew up:

 To Fair Oaks:

    1.  Turn right onto Sterling Blvd.

    2.  Turn left onto 28

    3.  Turn left onto 50

    4.  Drive about 10 miles to exit to mall.

To Tyson's:

    1.  Drive about 15 miles.

    2.  Turn left into the mall.

How does one get lost going straight?

Richard Gozinya, Harold Snatch and Wilbur Jizz. Together we are the law firm Gozinya, Snatch and Jizz.
Jakester
Location:
Posts: 5753
Posted: 9 years 47 weeks ago

Bill and KV, you don't need to answer that above question.

Richard Gozinya, Harold Snatch and Wilbur Jizz. Together we are the law firm Gozinya, Snatch and Jizz.
KingVoyeur
Location:
Posts: 1601
Posted: 9 years 47 weeks ago

Honey bunches.....of death!
Quasar
Location:
Posts: 7588
Posted: 9 years 47 weeks ago

Bill's been gone for about 10 years now.

Faster and faster, a nightmare we ride. Who'll take the reins when the miracle dies? Faster and faster till everything dies. Killing is our way of keeping alive. - Virgin Steele, Blood and Gasoline
Jakester
Location:
Posts: 5753
Posted: 9 years 47 weeks ago

I know, but I still love him.

Richard Gozinya, Harold Snatch and Wilbur Jizz. Together we are the law firm Gozinya, Snatch and Jizz.
Daltons chin dimple
Location:
Posts: 12800
Posted: 9 years 47 weeks ago

I wish he would come back. I can't get straight boy spit-roasted by KV on his own.

.....I've gone too far again, haven't I?

....says "Kill Bond, NOW!"
The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 9 years 47 weeks ago

Spit's an essential element.

Jakester
Location:
Posts: 5753
Posted: 9 years 47 weeks ago

You haven't gone far enough, Dalty.  You haven't gone far enough.

Richard Gozinya, Harold Snatch and Wilbur Jizz. Together we are the law firm Gozinya, Snatch and Jizz.
Daltons chin dimple
Location:
Posts: 12800
Posted: 9 years 47 weeks ago

So, this lady who out-Palins Palin. Scared much?

....says "Kill Bond, NOW!"
Jack S. Pharaoh
Location:
Posts: 2231
Posted: 9 years 47 weeks ago

Bachmann?  I don't know that she's much like Palin.  She certainly doesn't have Palin's charisma, or, really, any charisma.  She's kinda like the crazy mom in 'Carrie'.  I think it's cool that Romney is currently considered the Republican frontrunner; he's not bad, as far as the likely choices go.  I have a hard time seeing a Mormon being elected, and he seems kind of like he's made out of plastic, but he seems saavy enough.

neglet
Location:
Posts: 1434
Posted: 9 years 47 weeks ago

Yeah, but the GOP faithful will never go for him. Even if they did, I don't know that independents would trust him, he's such a waffler. And boy did he get bashed when he tried to raise money here in Michigan. His father was a very popular governor here, but Romney burned his bridges when he said let the car companies go bankrupt.

Adam54
Location:
Posts: 2082
Posted: 9 years 47 weeks ago

 Bachmann wouldn't even win Minnesota. Outside of her district, she's pretty universally loathed around here. I wish I could explain her district. You almost have to experience it to understand how perfectly built it is for someone as insane as her. It's probably going to get changed by the courts during redistricting, which helps explain why she's "not running" for re-election. 

But no, Dalty, not scared much. U.S. Reps never win the presidency. It just doesn't happen. 

Jon Huntsman scares me, but he also has the Mormon thing to overcome. 

The Swollen Goi...
Location:
Posts: 14343
Posted: 9 years 47 weeks ago

Billy Barty was Mormon.  So was Moroni Olsen.  That's right.  The Moroni Olsen.

Daltons chin dimple
Location:
Posts: 12800
Posted: 9 years 47 weeks ago

US Reps never win the presidency?  I don't understand.  It is Friday afternoon though, never my quickest time.

....says "Kill Bond, NOW!"
Quasar
Location:
Posts: 7588
Posted: 9 years 47 weeks ago

Senators and Governors are the usual electees. (I've done no research, just going off recent memory, which I've confessed as being spotty)

Faster and faster, a nightmare we ride. Who'll take the reins when the miracle dies? Faster and faster till everything dies. Killing is our way of keeping alive. - Virgin Steele, Blood and Gasoline